Sorry that I have to make this joke, but here it is: apparently, Katy Perry kissed a girl and she didn’t like it.* Just in case you have no idea what I am talking about, here’s the shot originally posted of Perry and Miley Cyrus kissing when the former attended the latter’s concert recently:
Now, Miley has been making out with women throughout her Bangerz tour, as we saw just Monday, but it doesn’t sound like she’s very good at it. While on the Australian talk show Sunrise, Perry talked about the now-infamous kiss:
“I just walked up to her to give her like a friendly girly kiss, you know, as girls do, and then she like tried to move her head and go deeper and I pulled away.”
I’m not sure what constitutes “girly kissing,” but apparently, girls do it and it’s got its own standard structure. Given that Katy Perry is a girl and girly kissing is just what girls do, we have to ask: why did she pull away?
“God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know! That tongue is so infamous!”
Well, for one thing, that tongue has been on our news feeds for entirely too long. BADUM-PSHHH.
But in all actuality, it just sounds really unpleasant to kiss Miley, particularly when it comes to kissing in front of, what, 20,000 other humans? I had enough of a bad time making out with my first boyfriend whose spit would dangle from one of my ears to the other like a Saint Bernard-created Black Dahlia, so no thanks. Bad kissers are something nearly all of us experience (and, let’s be honest, are at some point) but c’mon–it’s pretty inexcusable past the age of 17 or so. You should be able to properly gauge the kiss by now.
We’ve all been there: you want to peck somebody–a friend, acquaintance or total rando–but when you go in for a little kiss, they thrust their tongue towards your tonsils like an octopus scooping ice cream. Even if the kiss was wanted, that gnar sloppy mouth organ pushing is just plain awful.
And on the note of questioning where Miley’s tongue has been, I would normally say, “Hey, duh, people brush their teeth and if you think about everyone the person you’re with has been with prior, you’re probably going to have a needless freakout.” But then I remembered that Miley puts other people’s thongs in her mouth, and I felt a little less drawn to the defense.
*Yes, I adequately hate myself for typing that sentence.
Photos: Getty Images