kelly rowland

There comes a time in every Kelly Rowland‘s life when you need to take a long look in the mirror, accept that you’re not Beyoncé, and lower your standards to the point of getting engaged over a Skype call.

The 32-year-old Destiny’s Woman went on The Queen Latifah Show to talk about tying the knot with her manager, Tim Witherspoon, and most of the interview had a subtle undertone of complete awkwardness. According to Rowland,

He put a ring on it. It’s been a while. We’ve kept it very, very low– for years, to be completely honest.

“He put a ring on it.” She sounds like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, but instead of bragging about her high school football prowess, she’s begging you to remember “I’M FRIENDS WITH BEYONCÉ. I WAS PART OF BEYONCÉ.” It’s equally depressing to describe your relationship as being kept “very low” when what you really mean is “nobody cares about it.” She went on to add,

He asked me first on Skype. It was so late, and I remember we were both just kinda like, honestly, just staring at each other.

Yeesh. There’s nothing that weird about living a portion of your romantic relationship over Skype nowadays– considering the huge numbers of people successfully dating online— but it’s also kind of bleak to imagine a former celebrity getting engaged through a webcam… especially when her colleague is out overhauling the music industry in her spare time.

Listen, I’ve never been in the totally impossible position of having to compete with Beyoncé, so I can’t say with any degree of confidence that I’d handle it better than Kelly Rowland has. In fact, considering how her former bandmate’s name has become synonymous with “all-powerful goddess” on the internet, Rowland is doing an okay job of keeping it together. As far as we know, she’s only written one song that’s explicitly about her jealousy, and she’s only broken down and sobbed onstage about it once. Not even joking; she probably deserves a medal for that.

We wish you the best in your marriage and your career, Kelly. And in therapy.

Via People / Photo: WENN