Kim Kardashian rings in the New Year at 1 Oak Nightclub at The Mirage Resort and Casino Las Vegas, NV

God help me, I’m about to defend a Kardashian.

As you, your parents and the Mayans all know, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are going to have a baby. They’re going to have a baby that, in all likelihood, will not save the world nor be the antichrist. It will almost certainly vomit and wear diapers and require feedings in the middle of the night. It will not be inherently self-centered — though babies, by definitely, are screamers and criers that require constant attention. All in all, it’ll simply be a baby, much to the dismay of the world who will look at it — as occurs when any two famous people procreate — as something much, much more.

So when I started reading about the outcry against Lady K’s competency as a parent, I found myself getting irritated with the amount of scrutiny she’s fallen under, including Twitter trolls calling her an “unfit mother” just because she went to a New Year’s Eve party and some people snapped photos.

Look, I don’t like Kim Kardashian any more than the next (mostly) sensible human being. I understand that she is irritating, ignorant and all-but-requires an intravenous stream of attention except when sleeping. But she is going to be a mother, and regardless of how incredibly obnoxious her own mom is, it’s somewhat unfair to judge whether or not she’s “unfit” just because she leaves the house as a pregnant lady.

Yes, she may dress is hilariously uncomfortable-looking maternity clothes, some of which border on appalling, and, yes, she may still be going out in the evening, but the former just means she’s got bad taste (not exactly breaking news) and the latter implies nothing except she’s still active in the nightlife that has, however stupidly, made her famous.

If she’s drinking or smoking, then obviously she’s doing something irresponsible. But there’s no proof, or even “insider” testimonials, regarding that type of behavior. I think this issue is much more about the way people judge pregnant women’s actions as though they’re terrible mothers if they do anything but sit and knit pastel booties whilst staring longingly out the bedroom window.

When I am someday pregnant, I doubt I’ll be frequently going out, but that has nothing to do with whether or not I’ll want to. Trust me, I will want to. I just know myself; I will get lazy and hungry and my feet will swell long before they’re supposed to and I will insist that whomever is partially responsible for little Evelyn*’s gestation pick up some In N Out once per day.

And all shall bow in despair.

But that’s just me, and I have no right to criticize the harmless choices anybody else — even a Kardashian’s.

This isn’t an isolated problem: women have long been told how to run our bodies before, after and during pollination (my personal favorite way of saying “getting knocked up”). Before pregnancy, we get the run-of-the-mill, “here’s how to look awesome so guys will think you’re fertile and child-bearing” tips; during pregnancy, we’re advised to not let ourselves “go,” as well as how to look, dress and behave; after pregnancy, we’re told that a “post-baby bikini body” is possible within weeks for everybody because a bunch of celebrities have done it. Celebrities with personal trainers, nannies, nutritionists, access to dermatologists and plastic surgeons and makeup artists; celebrities whose job is, quite often, to maintain a bikini body, however stupid that pair of words may be.

If Kim Kardashian wants to transport her baby bumpin’ body to a nightclub and enjoy herself, there’s no real reason to insult her for that. If she starts downing tequila shooters and deliberately diving down the stairs using her stomach as a cushion, well, I think worry is certainly appropriate. But merely existing in a big, dark, disco-balled room (that’s what all the clubs are like these days, right?) is not innately dangerous to a pregnant woman, particularly when you consider the Kardashians’ wealth, i.e. if she wants to sit down to get away from people and the speakers, she is basically the epitome of those allowed in V.I.P. sections of clubs.

Maybe she’ll be a Kris Jenner-esque mother (i.e. a momager), but she could wind up being a good one, too. Just because somebody is unlikable and irritating doesn’t mean that person will be a terrible parent; there are plenty of parents who are incredibly likable but are secretly horrible parents. We can only hope that she won’t be, though, and not make instant assumptions based on her history, however whiny and high-pitched that history may be.

So, although I may not always ever enjoy or understand Kim Kardashian, Kanye West or the whole Krew, in this particular instance, I am reluctant to judge a woman for going out simply because she’s a mother-to-be. After all, if you’re looking to criticize Kim, there’s about 10,000 other things you can leap at instead — like this.

*Yes, I am single and 23 and have already picked out baby names. Ridicule at will.

Photos: DJDM/