This couple presumably  wanted to fulfill their lifelong dream of having sex outside a convenience store called Good To Go. So they did. They were told to stop. But they did not stop. The man could not keep them down. They continued to have sex for over an hour. They were charged with indecent exposure. Some call them criminals. We call them heroes. George Pomfret, 49, and Brenda Prothero, 48, both of Fort Myers, Florida, we salute you.

Look, if we had a convenience store called “Good to Go” anywhere around us, we’d probably heed its sweet, siren-like mating call as well. But we don’t. As it is, we mostly have sex in beds. It’s because beds are almost perfectly designed for this very purpose, whereas trees outside convenience stores are not. And because we’re getting kind of square in our old age.

It’s not like our wild teenage days. When we had sex… in dorm room beds. The way those beds were all slightly too short so our feet dangled off the ends? That was hot.We were some kind of crazy when we were 18.

Wait, remember that time when you did it in the back of a limo coming back from Bungalow 8? Yeah, me neither. Too much coke and champagne. Actually, I think that might just have been a Gossip Girl episode. I don’t think that actually happened. Huh. Well. It could have.

I do, however, know someone who had sex on a beach once. I asked if it was all very From Here to Eternity. She said that the salt water was gross, and we sand kept getting in her private parts. I think she was just saying that so I wouldn’t be too jealous though, because it was clearly amazing. It’s amazing in the movies, and the movies are full of truth.

So. Maybe the beach. But this shouldn’t be my decision. You pick the place. We’ll arrange for some gigolos and meet you there. With any luck, we’ll get some that look like George Pomfret.