lindsay-lohan-sex-list-realWhen Lindsay Lohan‘s leaked sex list started making the rounds a month ago, it seemed kind of random and funny. While it was primed for slut-shaming and judging, we mostly just wanted to give her a high-five for getting to have sex with a bunch of the hottest guys in the world. (According to the list she had sex with Jamie Dornan, who is now going to be in 50 Shades of Grey, but we prefer to remember him as the smoking hot sheriff from Once Upon A Time.) We were also pretty convinced the list was an elaborate hoax. Anybody could write up a list of famous dudes and say Lindsay Lohan slept with them all. But apparently the damn thing was real. We don’t know how it got out or how it wound up on Page Six, but Lohan went on Bravo and told Andy Cohen that the list was real, and she wrote it herself as part of her treatment at Betty Ford.

“That was actually my fifth step in AA at Betty Ford. And someone, when I was moving during the OWN show, must have taken a photo of it. And so that’s a really personal thing and it’s really unfortunate…I talk about it on the last episode on the OWN show, so to be continued.”

Her reaction to the list coming out was captured for the two-hour finale of her OWN documentary, and it’s positively heartbreaking.

[youtube_iframe id=”YsTk7NUP4n8″] “The fact that that happened was not only humiliating, but just mean,” she said through tears.

As someone who has been rooting for Lindsay Lohan for comeback after comeback (I have a soft spot for redheads and really liked her in Freaky Friday and Mean Girls), I found the footage really heartbreaking. She looks devastated describing her alcoholism over shots of her supposed friends drinking copious amounts of Champagne around her.

Lohan’s career has obviously suffered major setbacks since she was a big movie star, and while none of us can probably sympathize much with having been a millionaire or A-lister and lost it, we can probably all relate to the feeling of watching other people surpass us in our fields and wondering where the hell we’re going.

“I’ve seen all of these other actresses do all these other things and then just realizing, ‘Oh s–t, I don’t have that anymore,” Lohan says.

This dishy documentary doesn’t seem like the kind of thing likely to help much, but we still hope she comes through with a big comeback like Robert Downey Jr.‘s.

(Photo: WENN, Video: YouTube/OWN)