lonely scientists question why men perform oral sex

Q. Why do men perform oral sex on women?

A. Because it can give women orgasms! Which is great, because many women (hi, self!) cannot achieve orgasms via vaginal intercourse. When you are sleeping with somebody, you generally want both of you to feel great. I mean, if you’re not a selfish asshole, that is.

If you are a selfish asshole, however, you might decide to dedicate funding and time to an entire study based on the question above because you have no idea why men might perform oral sex on women and simply need to find out the evolutionary advantages on the subject.

An article on the study by Seriously Science, titled “What’s the point of oral sex?” begins:

Why on earth would anyone perform oral sex? Particularly on a woman?!? While these questions seem silly to some of us (I mean, it’s obviously because the people involved find it totally hot, right?), they aren’t to evolutionary biologists. his is because many of our behaviors and choices that seem completely voluntary are actually hard-wired, and have been naturally selected over millennia because they help us have more babies.

I understand why they would question oral sex, sort of, but let’s be honest: there are lots of guys who certainly do not have that behavior hard-wired into their systems, often because they have been told vaginas are gross, or because women have been made to feel ashamed about their own bodies and won’t partake.

It should be noted that they are questioning only oral sex on women, for women, and thereby relating their confusion and hypotheses to female pleasure and orgasm.

“We secured data from 243 men in committed, sexual, heterosexual relationships to test the sperm retention hypothesis of oral sex. We predicted that, among men who perform cunnilingus on their partner, those at greater risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus until their partner achieves orgasm (Prediction 1), and that, among men who ejaculate during penile-vaginal intercourse and whose partner experiences a cunnilingus-assisted orgasm, ejaculation will occur during the brief period in which female orgasm might function to retain sperm (Prediction 2).”

Something we’re wondering over here: why aren’t they questioning the evolutionary advantage of oral sex for men? Isn’t that purposeless, too? Unless there are some serious acrobatics involved, we are 99% certain that not swallowing will result in babies.

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