In ridiculous, this-is-clearly-a-ploy-for-attention news, 19-year-old Miley Cyrus has announced her engagement to 22-year-old Liam Hemsworth. They’ve been dating since 2009 and red carpet PDA will no longer cut it; they’d like their names in some headlines now. Miley told People: “I’m so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam,” a sentiment confirmed by their reps. Sorry to be so cynical in the morning but who wants to start a betting pool on how long this will last?

Also, who’s astonished there wasn’t a corresponding US Weekly cover?! We’ve written the headline for them, even: “We’re Getting Married! She’s head over-heels, Billy Ray ‘loves him like a son.’ All the details on the dress, the date and how he proposed!”