Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth on the red carpet

You know how Miley Cyrus has been (relatively) quiet about her breakup with ex-fiance Liam Hemsworth since they formally announced it on September 16? Well, she’s not so private anymore. In fact, she opened up to Ellen Degeneres this morning — on television, naturally, because that’s the best place to sort through your relationships — and said more than a few rather depressing, somewhat mean things. For example:

1. “I should of kept one of those dudes’ numbers.”

When reminded of how Ellen threw Miley a bachelorette party back in November 2012, the last time Cyrus was on the show, Miley noted she would’ve liked to keep the number of one of the strippers Ellen hired.

2. “I think people spend more time actually thinking about it then I really do.”

It’s one thing to say you don’t think about it often, but do you really believe everyone is all sorts of preoccupied about it? For the most part, people are just excited whenever you wear pants, girl.

3. “I keep saying I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Well, that is good, but it does kind of sound negative toward Hemsworth. To be fair, I know nothing of their personal relationship, but neither does anybody else and Cyrus is opening herself up to have it discussed by talking about how stoked she is that it’s over on national TV.

4. “I’ve never been able to just be alone and I’m obsessed with being alone and like hearing my thoughts.”

I do know how this feels — it can be crazy painful and scary to be alone for the first time, but when you accept it, then it’s suddenly so much better.

Look, I think it is awesome that Miley Cyrus is happy! Not because I particularly like her, but because it is sad when anybody’s miserable. That said, it’s more than a little uncomfortable to start airing your laundry in front of millions of viewers, saying you’re a-okay and that an engagement ending barely affected you, less than a month after you’ve announced your breakup and two months after the last time you were seen as a couple. To me, it’s like hearing your ex announced how much better he’s doing now that you’re out of his life at a party in front of everyone, except Miley did it on a national stage. Eh, something about it just feels mean-spirited. And yet, I don’t feel remotely surprised.

Miley also talked about Robin Thicke and her now infamous VMAs performance:

5. “No one talks about [Robin Thicke being onstage, too]. No one cares about the man behind the booty. You only care about the one that’s shaking it. Double standard.”

You know, as much as I hate defending Miley Cyrus because I think she’s a spoiled idiot who knows very little and says too much, she is right — Robin Thicke was there with her. He knew the performance would be risque. And yet everybody has freaked out about Cyrus’ part in it rather than the fact that a 36-year-old married guy who sang an arguably rapey tune was also an active participant in the performance. This, I imagine, would be deeply frustrating if I were the lady in the situation.

Photo: Getty Images