Look, moist is a great word. You have got to stop recoiling and talking about how gross it is. Dead serious. Really. Not just because you sound silly. You do sound silly, but because people need to stop finding any kind of female arousal revolting.

And, yes, I know that I am in a minority in not finding it a revolving word. Boing Boing says:

Many people feel quite strongly about moist – there’s even a Facebook group called called “I HATE the word MOIST!” with more than 300 members. One Facebooker calls moist “possibly the worst word in the English dictionary,” while another says, “I despise the sick, repugnant word!” It’s hard to top the aversion felt for moist.

People find it to be a sick and repugnant word? Really? It seems odd that it’s repugnant and not comical.

On a base level, it’s like a teenage boy hearing that a building is erect, and beginning to snicker uncontrollably. You can kind of roll your eyes at that, and think, “Well, yes, words do have different meanings, and some of them apply to genitals and some of them apply to things that are not genitals. I guess that is funny, the way words that apply to genitals sometimes apply to other things, if you have very little to laugh at.”

I’m not crazy about it, because it seems like the kind of people who laugh at that are spending a whole bunch of time thinking about their pubic regions that could otherwise be put to productive use, but I suppose that is fine. Lots of thoughts are not productive. I guess I could think about my vagina a lot more and still lead an okay life.

If women were giggling wildly every time you referred to a, “Moist chocolate cake” I’d think, “Well, this is kind of immature, but, okay. Sure. Cake is not genitalia! Ha! Ha! ” I would probably try to giggle along with them to be polite, which is horrifying (sick and repugnant, even) as it makes me look like Wednesday Addams.

wednesday addams

But women DON’T snicker when they hear the word moist. Women are horrified by it.

That’s… kind of bizarre. If men laugh like schoolboys when they hear a building referred to as an “erection” (which is a word used to indicate their arousal) women should respond similarly when a word often used to indicate their arousal is employed likewise.

I think the fact that people recoil at the use of the word moist on some level has to do with them thinking that their vaginas are kind of gross. This really only came to mind because a male friend posted “why do women hate the word moist” on his facebook wall and a female friend of his replied “i dont like the word clam” to great acclaim.

So many likes.

You can say that this seems like some sort of bizarre conspiracy theory on my part – and that people could hate moist because they hate “oi” sounds (though I never hear objections to “point” or “oink!”). However, I’m going to say, no. Or rather, Buzzfeed’s page on why people hate the word moist will say that for me:

[Hatred] probably has more to do with the fact that that word makes you think more of bodily fluids than cake. You don’t want to think about bodily fluids while enjoying cake, whether it’s a sweaty palm……or, you know…

Yep. Female arousal is so gross that you can’t even say it aloud. I guess I feel like the word moist is okay because female arousal is okay. Your vagina isn’t gross. It isn’t gross to want to have sex with people. It is actually way better than the alternative.

Therefore moist is totally a word that should apply to all manner of pastries.

Okay, no, not really. Maybe we should stop applying it to cake. Maybe we could apply it to moist raindrops, or other things that are actually liquid. You know, we could use moist for things that are wet, rather than tying it up with things served at children’s birthday parties. That seems like it would really help out a lot of people.

So, in the future, when using moist, a great word, which you should use all the time, remember. It does not apply to this:


It does, maybe, depending on what you like, apply to this:



Pictures via Addams Family, Wikipedia, WENN