Why? Because it’s a wedding, not your birthday.

Getting married is not an excuse to have your friends get all the frivolous stuff you want. Wedding registries don’t exist because people really want to shell out for things you think it would be fun to have. They exist because – when people were getting married earlier, and not living on their own for a long time – young couples didn’t necessarily have the basics you’d need to run a home. Things like plates, and cutlery and everyday appliances that someone would use to prepare dinner. You know, things that, as a couple, you really do need, especially if you’re just moving out of your parent’s house.

Trust me, you can run a fully functional home without a Wii.

I just don’t feel like you can group this – even under the vaguest definition – as a “need.” It’s a want.

That said, maybe you can say that you don’t need plates and cutlery because you’re getting married at 32 and have been on your own for the past 14 years. Well, good for you, 21st century individual! Then you should also be capable of earning enough to afford random things you’d like. And I guess you don’t really need a wedding registry.

And honestly? If you’ve found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you already have enough basics to run a home, wouldn’t you be better off just suggesting a donation to your favorite charity?

Oh, and I also hate Santa Claus and just happiness, in general.