Shia LaBeouf Stacy Martin Nymphomaniac

Because YouTube is full of killjoys who would uphold the integrity of bros eating bacon by the pound than to post the naked human body online, a lovely little trailer for Lars von Trier‘s highly-anticipated Nymphomaniac has been banned. (I’m only kidding, YT, I will never not love you for your plethora of giggling goats and dogs who can say “mama.”)

The clips features Shia LaBeouf and Stacy Martin engaging in a grab bag of sexual positions alongside panels of piano playing, feet pressing organ pedals, a cheetah hanging out, a parked red car, and more. Martin is also seen receiving oral sex from an older man, all while we hear a soundtrack of Baroque organ music. Take a look (obvs NSFW, though):

[vimeo video=”78330045″]

Nymphomaniac stars Charlotte Gainsbourg as a self-diagnosed sex addict who recounts her life to Stellan Skarsgård after he finds her beaten in an alley. The film, to be released in Denmark on Christmas* and elsewhere in 2014, shows quite a bit of sex — and not just the soft-core simulated kind one might find on a late night HBO special. Nope: the filmmakers used body doubles who actually had sex on camera, then merged the actors and their doubles together in post-production. This presumably means there will be a whole lot of D in the V, if you know what my inner middle-schooler is saying. Basically, I’m pretty sure Nymphomaniac doesn’t exactly fit into YouTube’s guidelines.

Also, I’m pretty sure I want to juxtapose this with the theme song from Even Stevens more than anything.

I’m just kidding; I’d rather eat churros.

So, do you think they’ll go the Don Jon route and start advertising on porn sites instead? One can only hope they will not, as I have a feeling nothing would kill the mood for millions like a Lars von Trier movie. Then again, it could make for an interesting twist on normal sexytime…

*Are people going to see this with their families to celebrate the holiday? Or is this intended to draw out lonely folks on Christmas? Or is their target audience people who simply don’t celebrate it at all? Oh, Lars von Trier, you’sa mystery.