You've Got Mail (1998)

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

As we learned yesterday, online dating is a peculiarly unbalanced game for men versus women, what with all the bizarre and sexist double standards relating to age, marital history, and beauty. Now, we can also pinpoint what “type” of women are receiving the most e-dating messages versus the least.

According to the all-reliable Daily Mail‘s analysis of results from dating site PlentyOfFish‘s research, women aged 25 will receive the largest number of online messages while 33-year-old women get the least, which is either entirely false and just really stupid speculation or incredibly depressing that just 8 years makes such a huge difference in the online dating world. (Naturally, this only applies to women because our culture has traditionally portrayed men over 30, 40 and 50 has being sophisticated, sexy and mature, whereas the term “mature,” when applied to a woman over 25, is often intended deragatorily…but that’s a discussion for another day.)

A more “exact” description of the e-dating world’s “perfect woman”:

It seems a 25-year-old Catholic woman who owns a dog, describes herself as thin, and drinks alcohol three times a week is more likely to receive the largest number of messages than any other woman.

Her last relationship would have lasted between three and eight years, according to the analysis.

Well, it’s a good thing I’m not single because I literally fit into none of those categories. Although I do have a childhood dog. Sort of. She lives with my parents. Does that count? Will somebody love me now?

Anyway, here’s what the “perfect man” is like:

…a single Christian, athletic man with brown hair, who publicly states that he wants children, drinks socially and makes between £60,000-£90,000 ($100,000-$150,000) a year will receive the most number of messages from women.

He would have a masters, law or doctorate degree, and have brown hair.

That brown hair’s really important, eh?

Apparently, these conclusions were found by “a team of researchers, including two PHD scientists” who “examined more than 1.8 million messages sent between [American] heterosexual singles” between the ages of 25 and 35. Considering over 41 million people have reportedly tried online dating in the United States alone, this may not be representative of the entirety of online dating. It doesn’t take into account any other sexualities, genders or age groups. And even if it were perfectly accurate, that doesn’t mean anybody should feel obligated to act or look or define themselves a specific way in order to make online dating members find them more attractive.

When it comes down to it, you want quality over quantity (I know, I know, we’ve all heard that approximately a million times while single). There are tons of women and men who have had little to no luck online, but eventually find their life partner and future spouse, while there are others who receive hundreds of messages a month, primarily consisting of boob compliments and “TELL ME YOUR ###” requests.

[EDIT: This story previously stated Daily Mail gathered the data for this study when it was actually from dating site PlentyOfFish.]