Pippa Middleton has been offered $5 million dollars to star in one “explicit scene” of an adult film. Steven Hirsch, the head of Vivid Entertainment wrote her a letter stating:

As far as I was concerned, you were the star of the recent Royal Wedding. As I watched a broadcast of the event I couldn’t help but think that with your beauty and attitude, you could be an enormously successful adult star.

This week, after seeing photos of you having a great time at a party, I decided to offer you a role in one of our upcoming movies.

For just one explicit scene I would be pleased to offer you $5 million and, of course, you would have your choice of partners. If you would like to bring your brother James along, he could appear in a separate scene for another $1 million.

God, I bet Pippa feels really embarrassed now. At least, I would. I mean, if I thought I was walking around looking all great in my McQueen and someone was like “hey, you look like a porn star!” I’m pretty sure that Steven Hirsch was the only person who watched the pretty lady in the pretty white dress competently escorting children into a church and thought “porn star!” But sometimes I think too “inside the box.” So, Pippa, you looked like the most elegant porn lady in all the land.

But let’s enter a parallel dimension where Pippa accepts this man’s generous offer! What would happen? Would the monarchy fall apart? No, surely not. I mean, there are lots of royal families who have one black sheep in the family. But most black sheep took some naked pictures when they were 19, not at 27, and not after their sister had married the future King of England. I think, if Pippa did do this, the royal response would be fascinating, as would what it says about societal attitudes towards sex and porn in the modern day. You know who this didn’t happen to? Princess Di’s sisters. Hasn’t the world changed? Hasn’t it just changed so much?

All that said, would you want to see Pippa Middleton in porn? Vote!

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