A) When she provokes you

B) When she is “hysterical”

C) When she is holding your kid

If you’re Mel Gibson, the answer is all of the above. If you are a normal human being without anger issues or a drinking problem, it is none of these.

Mel, may I offer some unsolicited advice? I know you don’t care what I think because I’m a woman and a Jew and you can’t figure out whether you’d rather call me sugartits or a Heeb right now, but here’s something that no one in your life seems to be telling you: it is not OK to hit people. And the mother of your child counts as “people.” It is not her fault for “provoking” you any more than it is the tequila’s fault that you drank it. Trying to defend yourself against accusations of domestic violence by claiming the woman you hit deserved it or is in some way responsible is not actually how it works. Even Chris Brown had the sense to pretend to go to rehab, and when Chris Brown is doing something better than you, that is a big-ass red flag that your life is in major need of help. You can try to claim Oksana was “wearing provocative outfits” all you want, but the bottom line is that she could have been walking down the street naked and you still do not have a reason to slap her. So, in the uncensored words of Mr. Cee Lo Green, fuck you.