Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton are supposedly romantically involved. We know this because he’s devised a naughty pet name for her that involves her not wearing any underwear. Want to hear it?

Commando.

The pet name is Commando. I guess the royal family isn’t really, really inventive and imaginative with pet names. But that’s okay! She refers to him as Captain. Which is his military rank! She’s not that inventive, either.

Perez Hilton claims they’ve been spotted together five times and that Harry ended his best man speech by saying “Pippa, call me.” She did. “Wouldn’t that be the most adorable romance ever!?” Perez asks.

Well, no, Perez, no, I don’t think it would be. I think it would be rather odd. But I suppose this is sort of appealing in a Jane Austen kind of way where brothers marry sisters and there is another royal wedding, and it all feels slightly incestuous. But surely thatunlikely. After all, does this really have any chance of working? The scrutiny alone seems like it would make it impossible.

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