This morning, after experiencing one of the overall coldest days in history, America woke up to find something hot in their midst: the announcement of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Once again, we were disappointed to find that it wasn’t James van der Beek again, but on the bright side, it was a fairly adorable pick: Chris Hemsworth! It wasn’t as appalling as, say, 2013’s pick (Adam Levine), but once again, it’s time for us to make our own revised list just as we did last year.
Let’s get started with the pick many people think was overlooked, then proceed in no particular order. Shall we?
1. Chris Pratt
Yes, he was acknowledged by People, but he was overlooked as #1 and many feel that this just ain’t right. He’s attractive whether or not he’s got insanely carved-out abs, he’s the perfect balance of “cute” and “sexy,” and he’s excellent at braiding hair. What more could one ask for?
2. Donald Glover
Ever since I saw Derrick Comedy’s “Progression of a Mad Hatter” video years ago, I’ve found Donald Glover so wonderful. Do yourself a favor and listen to Because the Internet for the next hour or so. It’s insanely good. Donald made our list last year for very good reason–he’s musically and theatrically talented, he’s hilarious, and he’s hot. Will you love us ’til 3005? Circle “yes” or “hell yes.”
3. H. Jon Benjamin
You may not recognize his face, but you would recognize his voice as the title character of Archer and Bob Belcher from Bob’s Burgers. This is literally the third time we have put him on the “Gloss Sexiest Men Alive” list because he is (A) hysterical, (B) often bearded, (C) beautifully blue-eyed, and (D) one of the only voice actors to actually make a career just by using his normal voice. I once had a dream we went on a date to In N Out, too, so I’m pretty sure he’d be a great boyfriend.
4. Jason Derulo
If “Talk Dirty” comes on at a bar or club or even just in somebody’s car, you can pretty much bet money that myself and ten other humans will be jumping on top of tables in our underwear. I’ll basically be Step Up 5: The Uncoordinated Hipster Prequel. For the record, I would’ve put a photo of his abs up here, but it’s his smile that’s really Cupid’s secret weapon.
5. Jason Segel
Another famous Jason (it must be the name). Jason Segel is one of the consistently sexy and under-the-radar stars in Hollywood, yet he’s invariably appealing. He’s one of the only people on this list whom, even though you’d be very attracted to him if you met him, you would still be able to manage words and fully-formed sentences.
6. Benedict Cumberbatch
While many stars have massive young followings, Benedict Cumberbatch, star of Sherlock, actually has hoards of adult followers known as Cumberbitches. And honestly, the people I know who love him most are all intelligent, cultured, wise women, so even his fans are fantastic. While he is officially off the market, we still think he belongs on this list no matter what.
7. Matthew McConaughey
Mr. McConaughey had an excellent year, receiving accolades and awards and critical praise pretty much every time he sneezed. He’s one of the only humans to ever be capable of properly switching between playing the role of Human Abs in romantic comedies to Brooding Jawline in dramas. I think we can all agree that that’s pretty effing attractive.
8. Evan Peters
Everyone’s favorite recurring guy on American Horror Story is fluffy, curly, charming, and sexy no matter which character he plays.
9. Tom Hiddleston
How is it possible that Tom Hiddleston somehow made the grossest hairstyle and outfits and makeup in all of Thor and The Avengers look sexy? Because he did that, and it was epic. And when he’s not dressed as Loki, he’s even sexier, as if that were possible.
10. Blood Orange
Anybody who has ever listened to Blood Orange (aka Dev Hynes) understands that this guy has one of the single most seductive, handsome voices on the planet. Not-remotely-shockingly, he’s also ridiculously handsome himself. Here’s a song to get your started. Try not to fall in love, I dare you.
11. Sam Claflin
According to my coworkers, this is the most attractive person in The Hunger Games. I have not seen The Hunger Games, but judging from this photo, I’m just going to go ahead and assume they’re 100% correct because hot damn.
12. Norman Reedus
Not only does Norman star as Daryl, the most attractive guy on AMC’s The Walking Dead, he also played the younger brother in The Boondock Saints and Kirby Sweetman in my personal favorite horror movie, Cigarette Burns. From his shaggy hair to his signature scowl, he’s unreasonably attractive.
13. John Cho
While we may not have loved Selfie, we love John Cho. Everyone loves John Cho. He’s funny, talented, impeccably dressed, and ultra-handsome. (Plus, I was obsessed with Go On, in part because I loved every scene of his.) How is his hair always so perfect? Dear Hollywood: give this guy a leading role in a romantic comedy, because he’s guaranteed to be Sexy Likable Gold.
Who would’ve thought Jimmy from Degrassi would have wound up being one of the most attractive humans on Earth? (Answer: Everyone who watched Degrassi.) His music is addictive and his face is, too.
15. Ryan Gosling
ALSO I SAW HIM IN REAL LIFE. So, you know, we’re basically married.
Click to the next page to see the rest of our picks, including a uniquely sexy model, the actual hottest person on Game of Thrones, and somebody we met in real life!
16. Andy Samberg
Andy. Samberg. Whoa my goodness, folks. Funny, goofy, attractive, and married to musician Joanna Newsom, with whom he can be adorably goofy and unique with. And Andy’s not the only fellow from Brooklyn-99 to appear on this list, either…
17. Robert Carlyle
I’ll leave it to our writer Liz Licata to explain this pick:
“He’s one of those people who proves charisma is actually a thing. Because it’s like, he’s not really handsome. But he *seems* really handsome because he’s just so damn attractive.”
18. Ryan Cabrera
Need I remind you we sang
karaoke Cabreraoke with this man? We did. And he was spectacular.
19. Shaun Ross
Not only is Shaun Ross an amazing model, he’s also ultra-inspirational. Regarding his albinism, he once said this:
“It’s really weird to say, but I never thought about my skin being weird. I just knew that’s what it was. I never asked myself why I didn’t look like my parents. My mother has showed me you have no fear. You let people judge you, but who gives a f—k?”
Indeed, who gives a fuck? Especially because you, Mr. Ross, are ultra sexy.
20. Julian Casablancas
Julian Casablancas is like that dirty-sexy senior you crushed on all of your freshman year after hearing his band once but never even bothered trying with because he always seemed way too cool.
21. James Blake
Speaking of angelic voices, albeit totally different than the previous pick, James Blake’s voice (and face) could make anybody melt. And did you know he’s 6’5″? He is. Call us, Blakebaby.
22. Michael K. Williams
This unbelievably talented actor’s work ranges from serious dramas like Boardwalk Empire and The Wire to goofy shows like Community. I literally think of him every time I see Honey Nut Cheerios (please watch the aforementioned Wire if you haven’t already), which I personally think is a pretty effing positive association. Very few people can look quite so handsome in both Prohibition-era garb and in a trench coat.
23. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
While I don’t love his character on Game of Thrones, it’s impossible to deny that he is mega-good looking. And before anybody questions this–yes, he’s hotter than Jon Snow.
24. Terry Crews
Another Brooklyn-99 pick because daaaayum that show has a lot of eye candy for being a goofy comedy. Let’s be honest: just about everyone reading this wants Terry Crews and his massive muscles to pick them up and carry them to a magical castle.
25. Michael Ealy
Our writer Liz literally said, “I kept watching Almost Human just because those eyes. OMG, those eyes.” I concur, girl. Those eyes.
26 & 27. Patrick Stewart & Ian McKellen
Just as last year, these two win “Hottest Pair of Friends” because hey man, they’ve totally still got it. And they would probably be the most entertaining two men on Earth to hang out with at the same time.
28. Adam Scott
There’s a bartender who works near my house who looks like Adam Scott. Apparently, everyone tells him this. He clearly knew it was a compliment, which it absolutely was. [/semi-relevant personal anecdote] But seriously, how lovely and likable is Adam Scott’s adorable charm on everything he’s ever been in?
29. Aaron Paul
Not only is Aaron Paul an absurdly good actor, he’s also ridiculously likable on social media and in interviews. Plus, the way he and his wife are so cute together makes him even more appealing.
30. Liam Hemsworth
Am I the only person who thinks Liam is the more attractive brother? At least 75% of my reasoning is that his name is Liam–aka one of the 12 most inherently names of all times–but he’s also got such a little twinkle in his eye.
BONUS: James van der Beek
HOW DARE YOU LEAVE HIM OFF ONCE AGAIN, PEOPLE? But really, all Don’t Trust The B (RIP) jokes aside, I am insanely attracted to James van der Beek, as are so many women I know. He’s capable of parodying himself as an egocentric jerk, yet he’s still so attractive. How is that possible? The magic of der Beek, that’s how.
Be sure to check out our list of the Sexiest Men Not Alive: Dead, Fictional, & Imaginary Edition!