Dont-Trust-The-BThis morning, after experiencing one of the overall coldest days in history, America woke up to find something hot in their midst: the announcement of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Once again, we were disappointed to find that it wasn’t James van der Beek again, but on the bright side, it was a fairly adorable pick: Chris Hemsworth! It wasn’t as appalling as, say, 2013’s pick (Adam Levine), but once again, it’s time for us to make our own revised list just as we did last year.

(Related: 2014’s Sexiest Men Not Alive: Dead, Fictional, & Imaginary Edition)

Let’s get started with the pick many people think was overlooked, then proceed in no particular order. Shall we?

1. Chris Pratt

> on July 29, 2014 in New York City.(Photo: Andrew Toth/Getty Images)

Yes, he was acknowledged by People, but he was overlooked as #1 and many feel that this just ain’t right. He’s attractive whether or not he’s got insanely carved-out abs, he’s the perfect balance of “cute” and “sexy,” and he’s excellent at braiding hair. What more could one ask for?

2. Donald Glover

Donald Glover sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Isaac Brekken/Getty Images)

Ever since I saw Derrick Comedy’s “Progression of a Mad Hatter” video years ago, I’ve found Donald Glover so wonderful. Do yourself a favor and listen to Because the Internet for the next hour or so. It’s insanely good. Donald made our list last year for very good reason–he’s musically and theatrically talented, he’s hilarious, and he’s hot. Will you love us ’til 3005? Circle “yes” or “hell yes.”

3. H. Jon Benjamin

H Jon Benjamin sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Anna Webber/Getty Images)

You may not recognize his face, but you would recognize his voice as the title character of Archer and Bob Belcher from Bob’s Burgers. This is literally the third time we have put him on the “Gloss Sexiest Men Alive” list because he is (A) hysterical, (B) often bearded, (C) beautifully blue-eyed, and (D) one of the only voice actors to actually make a career just by using his normal voice. I once had a dream we went on a date to In N Out, too, so I’m pretty sure he’d be a great boyfriend.

4. Jason Derulo

Jason Derulo sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty Images)

If “Talk Dirty” comes on at a bar or club or even just in somebody’s car, you can pretty much bet money that myself and ten other humans will be jumping on top of tables in our underwear. I’ll basically be Step Up 5: The Uncoordinated Hipster Prequel. For the record, I would’ve put a photo of his abs up here, but it’s his smile that’s really Cupid’s secret weapon.

5. Jason Segel

Jason Segel sexiest man alive 2014 Nightmares(Photo: Imeh Akpanudosen/Getty Images)

Another famous Jason (it must be the name). Jason Segel is one of the consistently sexy and under-the-radar stars in Hollywood, yet he’s invariably appealing. He’s one of the only people on this list whom, even though you’d be very attracted to him if you met him, you would still be able to manage words and fully-formed sentences.

6. Benedict Cumberbatch

mast-sherlock-s3-mini-episode-hires sexiest man alive benedict cumberbatch 2014While many stars have massive young followings, Benedict Cumberbatch, star of Sherlock, actually has hoards of adult followers known as Cumberbitches. And honestly, the people I know who love him most are all intelligent, cultured, wise women, so even his fans are fantastic. While he is officially off the market, we still think he belongs on this list no matter what.

7. Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey sexiest man alive 2014Mr. McConaughey had an excellent year, receiving accolades and awards and critical praise pretty much every time he sneezed. He’s one of the only humans to ever be capable of properly switching between playing the role of Human Abs in romantic comedies to Brooding Jawline in dramas. I think we can all agree that that’s pretty effing attractive.

8. Evan Peters

Evan Peters sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

Everyone’s favorite recurring guy on American Horror Story is fluffy, curly, charming, and sexy no matter which character he plays.

9. Tom Hiddleston

Tom Hiddleston sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Ben A. Pruchnie/Getty Images)

How is it possible that Tom Hiddleston somehow made the grossest hairstyle and outfits and makeup in all of Thor and The Avengers look sexy? Because he did that, and it was epic. And when he’s not dressed as Loki, he’s even sexier, as if that were possible.

10. Blood Orange

dev hynes blood orange sexiest man aliveAnybody who has ever listened to Blood Orange (aka Dev Hynes) understands that this guy has one of the single most seductive, handsome voices on the planet. Not-remotely-shockingly, he’s also ridiculously handsome himself. Here’s a song to get your started. Try not to fall in love, I dare you.

11. Sam Claflin

sexiest man alive 2014 sam claflin(Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

According to my coworkers, this is the most attractive person in The Hunger Games. I have not seen The Hunger Games, but judging from this photo, I’m just going to go ahead and assume they’re 100% correct because hot damn.

12. Norman Reedus

Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus) in The Walking Dead, Season 3Not only does Norman star as Daryl, the most attractive guy on AMC’s The Walking Dead, he also played the younger brother in The Boondock Saints and Kirby Sweetman in my personal favorite horror movie, Cigarette Burns. From his shaggy hair to his signature scowl, he’s unreasonably attractive.

13. John Cho

john cho sexiest man aliveWhile we may not have loved Selfie, we love John Cho. Everyone loves John Cho. He’s funny, talented, impeccably dressed, and ultra-handsome. (Plus, I was obsessed with Go On, in part because I loved every scene of his.) How is his hair always so perfect? Dear Hollywood: give this guy a leading role in a romantic comedy, because he’s guaranteed to be Sexy Likable Gold.

14. Drake

Drake sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Who would’ve thought Jimmy from Degrassi would have wound up being one of the most attractive humans on Earth? (Answer: Everyone who watched Degrassi.) His music is addictive and his face is, too.

15. Ryan Gosling

ryan-gosling-in-drive sexiest man aliveWhy do I even need to put his name on the list? There are basically worldwide protests every time somebody doesn’t call him the best looking person ever.

An Insider's Guide To The 2014 Cannes Film Festival: What I Did, What I Wore, & What I DrankALSO I SAW HIM IN REAL LIFE. So, you know, we’re basically married.

Click to the next page to see the rest of our picks, including a uniquely sexy model, the actual hottest person on Game of Thrones, and somebody we met in real life!

16. Andy Samberg

Andy-Samberg-BROOKLYN-NINE-NINE sexiest man aliveAndy. Samberg. Whoa my goodness, folks. Funny, goofy, attractive, and married to musician Joanna Newsom, with whom he can be adorably goofy and unique with. And Andy’s not the only fellow from Brooklyn-99 to appear on this list, either…

17. Robert Carlyle

Robert Carlyle sexiest man alive(Photo: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

I’ll leave it to our writer Liz Licata to explain this pick:

“He’s one of those people who proves charisma is actually a thing. Because it’s like, he’s not really handsome. But he *seems* really handsome because he’s just so damn attractive.”

Perfect.

18. Ryan Cabrera

ryan-cabrera-samantha-escobar-the-gloss-gif1 sexiest man aliveNeed I remind you we sang karaoke Cabreraoke with this man? We did. And he was spectacular.

19. Shaun Ross

shaun ross sexiest man aliveNot only is Shaun Ross an amazing model, he’s also ultra-inspirational. Regarding his albinism, he once said this:

“It’s really weird to say, but I never thought about my skin being weird. I just knew that’s what it was. I never asked myself why I didn’t look like my parents. My mother has showed me you have no fear. You let people judge you, but who gives a f—k?”

Indeed, who gives a fuck? Especially because you, Mr. Ross, are ultra sexy.

20. Julian Casablancas

Julian Casablancas sexiest man alive(Photo: Jo Hale/Getty Images)

Julian Casablancas is like that dirty-sexy senior you crushed on all of your freshman year after hearing his band once but never even bothered trying with because he always seemed way too cool.

21. James Blake

James Blake performing sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Karl Walter/Getty Images)

Speaking of angelic voices, albeit totally different than the previous pick, James Blake’s voice (and face) could make anybody melt. And did you know he’s 6’5″? He is. Call us, Blakebaby.

22. Michael K. Williams

Michael Kenneth WilliamsThis unbelievably talented actor’s work ranges from serious dramas like Boardwalk Empire and The Wire to goofy shows like Community. I literally think of him every time I see Honey Nut Cheerios (please watch the aforementioned Wire if you haven’t already), which I personally think is a pretty effing positive association. Very few people can look quite so handsome in both Prohibition-era garb and in a trench coat.

23. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

sexiest man alive 2014 jaime lannister actorWhile I don’t love his character on Game of Thrones, it’s impossible to deny that he is mega-good looking. And before anybody questions this–yes, he’s hotter than Jon Snow.

24. Terry Crews

terry_crews_brooklyn_nine_nine sexiestAnother Brooklyn-99 pick because daaaayum that show has a lot of eye candy for being a goofy comedy. Let’s be honest: just about everyone reading this wants Terry Crews and his massive muscles to pick them up and carry them to a magical castle.

25. Michael Ealy

> on June 11, 2014 in Washington, DC.(Photo: Paul Morigi/Getty Images)

Our writer Liz literally said, “I kept watching Almost Human just because those eyes. OMG, those eyes.” I concur, girl. Those eyes.

26 & 27. Patrick Stewart & Ian McKellen

Patrick-Stewart-and-Ian-McKellenJust as last year, these two win “Hottest Pair of Friends” because hey man, they’ve totally still got it. And they would probably be the most entertaining two men on Earth to hang out with at the same time.

28. Adam Scott

sexiest man alive adam scottThere’s a bartender who works near my house who looks like Adam Scott. Apparently, everyone tells him this. He clearly knew it was a compliment, which it absolutely was. [/semi-relevant personal anecdote] But seriously, how lovely and likable is Adam Scott’s adorable charm on everything he’s ever been in?

29. Aaron Paul

Aaron Paul sexiest man alive 2014(Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

Not only is Aaron Paul an absurdly good actor, he’s also ridiculously likable on social media and in interviews. Plus, the way he and his wife are so cute together makes him even more appealing.

30. Liam Hemsworth

Am I the only person who thinks Liam is the more attractive brother? At least 75% of my reasoning is that his name is Liam–aka one of the 12 most inherently names of all times–but he’s also got such a little twinkle in his eye.

BONUS: James van der Beek

James-Van-Der-BEek sexiest man aliveHOW DARE YOU LEAVE HIM OFF ONCE AGAIN, PEOPLE? But really, all Don’t Trust The B (RIP) jokes aside, I am insanely attracted to James van der Beek, as are so many women I know. He’s capable of parodying himself as an egocentric jerk, yet he’s still so attractive. How is that possible? The magic of der Beek, that’s how.

Be sure to check out our list of the Sexiest Men Not Alive: Dead, Fictional, & Imaginary Edition!