I’m not going to play armchair psychiatrist and whip out the DSM so we can talk about hyper-sexual disorder and whether or not it’s a thing. I’m not even going to be a hard-ass about the misogynistic history behind nymphomania or how that term isn’t even really used anymore. That stuff is boring and who has even got time for that? It’s a little irrelevant. So let’s just talk about the fact that lots of class ‘A’ butt-wads will claim they have a sex addiction or are afflicted with nymphomania or satyriasis in order to excuse themselves from charges of erotically motivated assholery. You can’t just call yourself a nymphomaniac to get out of hot water, jerks!
First, let’s get on the same page in terms of definitions:
Nymphomania can also be referred to as hyper-sexuality, sex addiction or sexual dependency. The word nymphomania refers to a woman with abnormally excessive sexual desires, whereas satyriasis is used when a man exhibits the same compulsive sexual behaviors. Though it is colloquially used to talk about someone that just loves to fuck, nymphomania is a serious condition and the conflation of horny jerk and sex addict is damaging. Nymphomania goes beyond being a super horny man-eater.
A horny jerk is someone who has bad manners, no respect for others and can control themselves sexually, but doesn’t because they are uncool.
I particularly like Psych Central’s description of what someone with a sex addiction isn’t:
The diagnosis of sexual addiction is not necessarily made if an individual engages in fetishistic or paraphillic sexual arousal patterns (e.g., BDSM, cross-dressing), even if these behaviors lead the individual to keep sexual secrets or feel shame, distress or “out of control.” Unwanted homosexual or bisexual arousal patterns also are not considered sex addiction per se.
Sexual addiction is not defined by what or who the individual finds arousing, but rather by self- and other-objectified, repetitive patterns of sexual behavior utilized to stabilize distress and to manage emotional triggers.
In simple terms, most people don’t consistently utilize sexual arousal as a means of “feeling better” when having a bad day. Healthy people reach out to friends and intimate others for support when upset and also demonstrate a greater ability to self-soothe and tolerate emotional stressors than do sexual addicts.
If that astute definition isn’t enough, check out the next page for a handful of actual signs that differentiate a nymphomaniac from a horny jerk…
Horny Jerk Behavior- You’re a philandering cheater who likes to have sex with multiple partners even if you’re in what your main squeeze thinks is a monogamist relationship. You feel bad if you get caught, but only because you got caught.
Nymphomania Symptom- You’re a philandering cheater who can’t help but compulsively have sex with multiple partners like your life depends on it. You feel guilt, shame and remorse after destroying relationships.
Horny Jerk Behavior- If caught engaging in negatively perceived sexual acts, you might say things like “hey, I’m just a sex addict. Don’t blame me for the things I did. Couldn’t help myself.”
Nymphomania Symptom- You might deny you have a problem at all, but you try and try again to self correct your behavior so you can stop engaging in harmful sexual acts that have real consequences.
Horny Jerk Behavior- You love to bone and you don’t care who you do it with. You’ll go on OKCupid dates or go home with people you barely know just to get your nut. You don’t communicate your expectations and might hurt conquests in the process.
Nymphomania Symptom- You’re obsessed with fulfilling sexual desires, but it’s more about the process than the result (quite like other process addictions like binge eating). You might not be deriving pleasure from one night stand after one night stand or voyeurism or compulsive self stimulation. There might be a level of detachment where you no longer feel pleasure, but still obsessively seek sexual activity.
If you’re suffering and you think you might have a sex problem, please seek help. If you’re just and out of control sex jerk, please get it together.