If fucking Zales commercials — or any other jewelry company this time of year — teach us anything, it’s that you best be coupled up during the holiday season or you might as well not even bother celebrating the damn thing.
In case you were unaware, the holidays are meant for love and love only comes in the form of something between a man and a woman making angels in the snow or sighing dreamily as they gaze at a fireplace. Ugh.
Am I the only one noticing just how much alienation is going on in those commercials? It’s not because my single self is feeling sensitive, but because these companies have tried to market the holiday season to straight couples and the rest of us be damned!
Well, no! The holidays aren’t about that. The holidays are about food and family and friends. They’re about bad Christmas gifts, Adam Sandler singing about Hanukkah and people trying not to get killed at the mall in search of presents to shove under a fine smelling tree.
And if you just so happen to be single this holiday season halle-fucking-lujah, because it’s going to be awesome and no one is going to sulk, and Zales and the rest of them can kiss our collective single asses.
Photo: Miramax Films