As I’ve already explained today, I live in Indiana. It’s a fun state full of corn fields and county fairs.

Things work a little differently here in the Midwest. So just in time for the most romantic holiday of all, I thought I would give you a couple tips on how to get down like a country girl. Okay, you aren’t really going to “get down.” In the Midwest, country is just the music we listen to. That’s why I like to refer to our social scene as red state dating.

Here are some great examples of conservative dating. Trust me, I’ve had plenty of experience in this arena. I can still remember the day when I found an Ann Coulter quote on a date’s Facebook page. I knew to be very afraid.

*Sidenote, if you find yourself in Bloomington (the college campus of Indiana University) or Indianapolis (the only real city in the state), you can revert to more traditional and accepted forms of courtship.

**Just in case you’re offended, this was kind of meant to be a joke. Although I do know someone who went hunting on a first date.