56th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

As we all know, America’s couple Robin Thicke and Paula Patton announced their separation earlier this week, amid years of cheating rumors. It looked like things would be a pretty typical Hollywood split–joint public statement, eventual divorce, and not much to it. However, TWIST! Robin announced his intentions to win Patton back at his most recent concert, and now everyone ever is deeply invested in the redemption love story of our generation. OR IS IT?

During a concert last night in Virginia, Thicke took a quick break to talk about his marital issues before dedicating “Lost Without U” to Patton, saying:

“For those of you who don’t know, my wife and I got separated a few days ago, and I want everybody here to know that I’m trying to get my girl back.”

This is a kind of refreshing take on the celebrity split–instead of sticking to the party line about always staying bffs and loving each other forever, Thicke disclosed that the split wasn’t mutual and that everything’s not really okay.

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Here’s a counter theory: Robin Thicke was pissed about how often banshees like me and my coworkers talked about how he has some issues with consent (which we take seriously around here), or the rumors of infidelity, and after using his marriage to defend his rape-friendly lyrics, decided he needed to up his public perception by increasing the profile of his marriage. Now, when I say “he,” I don’t envision Thicke sitting alone in his room hatching this plan. I mean the Robin Thicke machine, which no doubt includes publicists, managers, and one Paula Patton, who I picture sitting at the head of the table, dressed like Clare Underwood. I propose that somebody (Patton) came up with the idea of separating with the intention of staging a highly publicized series of Thicke-tries-to-win-Patton-back events, and this was day one. In a month or two, they’ll reconcile, following a photographed second proposal, possibly to also take place a concert. They’ll sing “Blurred Lines” together and ride off into the sunset, and we’ll all feel like Robin Thicke is a hopeless romantic desperately in love with one woman and one woman only. Can someone show me to the nearest iTunes? I want to buy his entire oeuvre.

But hey, what do I know? I don’t know them personally and for all we know, they’re really going through something right now. But it stands to reason that if we know about their relationship ups and downs with this much detail, it’s a stunt. I wish them the best in either their real life trial or highly manufactured public manipulation.

Photo: Getty Images