If any of my ex-boyfriends stop playing World of Warcraft and scratching themselves long enough to get a late-night talk show, please hold me accountable to handling the situation as well as Sarah Silverman. The comedienne made an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel last night (on his show, I mean) and it was straight-up exemplary.
“This is the way life is,” Silverman says about the aftermath of their five-year relationship. “People break up, and exes are gonna bump into each other. They’re gonna cross paths, they’re gonna be on each other’s talk shows. You know, it’s the cycle of life.”
Carrying a box labeled “Jimmy’s Stuff,” Silverman pokes fun at their goofy, amicable public breakup. (Remember when she compared sex with Kimmel to guiltily eating street vendor hotdogs?) She ceremoniously returns Kimmel’s toothbrush and stray socks, all the while expertly dishing out a little bit of shade. Scorned women everywhere can now live vicariously through her flawlessly executed comebacks.
Oh, and she looks every bit as hot as you do in your revenge fantasies. Silverman wears an impeccably flattering black dress, dark blush, shiny peep-toes, and hella boobage. Can I hire her stylist for the next time I go through the Burger King drive-thru and get a chance to ream out my ex? Still, her killer outfit plays second string to the comedy. You know Sarah Silverman can rock a monologue when the majority of YouTube comments ignore her upper breasts and focus on what she’s saying.
The next time your newly-single self is crying into Haagen-Dazs, just close your eyes and remember this Kimmel interview. Praise be to Sarah.