second grade steps falling in love

Self-help writers have made a whole industry out of pondering the ways people fall in love, but a pair of second grade girls may have compiled the best list ever.

According to ABC News, teacher Edward Scheinman tweeted out this napkin list written by two girls in his sister’s second-grade class. The girls, obviously overachievers, had finished an in-class assignment early, and they decided to use the extra time to write a book. That book is this tome, “How to Fall in Love.”

The book even has a cover and was made by stapling tissues together down the middle, but the best part is definitely the contents.


How to Fall in Love

1. First you stare at the person.

2. You get close to each other.

3. You ask for a date.

4. You go in bed and do sex.

5. When you kiss you suck and lick

6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex.


8. Go dance and put your noses together.


10. You go in bed forever. Then kiss forever.

11. Take a shower together and kiss.

12. Give each other rings.

13. Go to the pool together.

14 . …


(My favorite is step #8.)

Several Internet commenters seem highly disturbed that a pair of 8-year-olds knows this much about sex, but it does not seem unusual to me. I remember being 8, and I remember that as the age people figured out you could make your Barbie dolls have sex. (By 9 everyone was well over Barbie dolls.)

In second grade I was learning dirty nursery rhymes from the same 10- to 12-year-old kids from whom I learned most swear words. Kids tend to like demonstrating knowledge, and the fastest way to do that when you learn a new swear word or where babies come from is to run and tell some smaller kids. Or, if you’re a creative overachiever, you could write a book about it.