self marriage

I’m going to spoil it for you: yes. Yes it is.

If you haven’t heard of this yet, it’s a microtrend where, instead of marrying another, separate, human person, women dress up in formal wear and ” promise to be true and honest to themselves in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others etc.” Right. As though you could, in fact, forsake yourself. I mean, I suppose you can commit suicide, but otherwise you really can’t. It’s not really a challenge to be selfish forever. That is not a thing that is challenging.

Okay. I understand if you want to get a bunch of your friends together to celebrate how awesome you are. However, you already have a ceremony to do that. It’s called “a birthday party.” Or “a funeral.” Funerals suck because you can’t attend them unless you fake your own death, but that is why I fake my own death every single year. Then I jump out of the casket! It’s a laugh riot. So, there are two good options that won’t leave you saying “I Do Me.” Unless you really, really want some stuff from Crate and Barrel. Actually, again, just host a birthday party in your own apartment and tell your friends you really need a chip ‘n’ dip.

So, question: How much do you want a chip ‘n’ dip? This is a chip ‘n’ dip.

chip 'n' dip