Semen cocktail cookbook expands conventions of mixology

Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer might be taking the word “cocktail” a little too literally. The author behind Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes has jumped on the mixology bandwagon with Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook. I’m all for experimentation and always for cocktails, but are the bartenders of the world really looking to add semen to their cocktails?

“This is the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits,” announces the Semenology display copy. “Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail. The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. The book provides useful tips that cover every detail of Semenology, from mixing and presentation to harvesting and storage advice.”

Along with recipes for cocktails with names like the Macho Mojito, the Slightly Saltier Caviar, and the Watermelon Gin Jizz, the book includes harvesting and storage advice. It also expounds on the health and beauty benefits of drinking semen, which theoretically include better skin, stronger nails, and shinier hair.

The 56-page book was published through Amazon’s CreateSpace self-publishing platform and is available for $22.95. And there are full-color photos. Used copies are available, but this might be a good time to shell out for a new one.

Photenhauer admits his favorite ingredient is unusual, but says the motivation for writing his cookbooks came from wanting to explore why it was considered as weird as it is.

“People eat all kinds of weird stuff,” Photenhauer said to SF Weekly. “Eggs are the menstruation of chickens. Milk is the mammary excretion from cows. Semen is…at least it’s fresh and you know who the producer is.”

Photenhauer makes it all sound almost logical. The seminal fluid of codfish is a delicacy in Japan. Is cooking with the human version really that much weirder?

Yes. Yes it is.

Photenhauer says he sources his ingredients locally, using mainly either his own materials or his partner’s, though he says they sometimes have dinner parties. But at least Photenhauer isn’t so crazy as to suggest ordering any of his concoctions from one’s friendly neighborhood mixologist.

“I would never eat or drink semen, cooked or otherwise, from someone I wouldn’t be willing to have sex with,” he clarified.

Well, that’s at least slightly less weird. Still much weirder than eggs, though.

Would you ever drink a semen cocktail?

Via SF Weekly/Photo: Cooking With Cum