Does this get you hot?

And then, when a woman complained, they attacked her.

Basically, I’m just going to say, mimes walking on tightropes for a hundred years really stress me out, too. And I guess I would respond this way if I were a crazy person. So I really get where Gerard Torello and Kallie Helwig – two Border Patrol officers, please make all the jokes – were coming from (hah!).

The Daily Mail (of course this is in The Daily Mail) talked to a witness and reports:

Apparently, she saw Torello’s head and hands ‘moving up and down’ in Helwig’s lap.

She claims she asked Torello to stop but he told her was unable to do anything to prevent Helwig from continuing with the oral sex act.

Instead, it is alleged, a pair of children turned round from in front of border guards and witnessed what was going on. Torello was said to have given one of the youngsters a high five. 

This dude gave a child a high five while getting oral sex.

He gave a child a high five. While getting oral sex. At a Cirque du Soleil show.

The witness then called over the security guards, and Torello attacked her.

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE PATROLLING OUR BORDERS. That said, those are the only youngsters who ever had fun at a Cirque du Soleil show, so, you win some, you lose some.