I don’t really know how to say this, and my mother’s undoubtedly going to send me an angry text message for saying it at all, so I’ll just cut to the chase: someone’s invented robot handjobs. The future is now.

The VR Tenga demo debuted in Japan over the weekend, and according to Gawker, “It uses some basic software, the Oculus Rift virtual reality headset and some… other equipment to simulate sexual acts.” Basically, you wear a contraption on your face and another one near your lap, and you watch an animated character perform animated sex. Instead of, you know, being with a breathing human. I… okay. Okay.

One of the demo videos has already been removed from YouTube for violating the Terms of Service, and since Shane Dawson videos are allowed to exist, it has to have been pretty damn graphic. The remaining clip is still NSFW, so watch with caution.

Maybe I have some deep-seated issues with human sexuality stemming from my public school education, but this freaks me the hell out. All the news coverage makes it seem like a really cool technological development… rather than a freaky sci-fi torture device disaster machine. Hasn’t anyone seen I, Robot? Like, what if it turns on you? What if Will Smith isn’t around and you get dismembered by a rogue robot masseuse?


And again, maybe this is my puritanical abstinence-based education speaking, but I can’t help but feel like this will be bad for women. Do men really need something else to reinforce their fantasies of an always-willing, totally subservient sex partner? I’m sure the majority of men are able to separate fantasy from real life– just like the majority of men can play violent video games without acting out the scenes IRL– but couldn’t this simulator add fuel to the fire for men with unhealthy expectations about sex? I also have to wonder if this will eventually lead to bigger issues, like games that simulate sex with children.

Lots of people seem to find the VR Tenga fun and erotic, and I’m sure that’s fine… but I’m gonna have nightmares about it for the next thirty years.

Via Kotaku / Photos: 20th Century Fox