The nice people at Babeland recently sent me a nifty sex thing to try out. (Full disclosure: I didn’t have to pay for it.) Here is what ensued.
That curvy purple delight up there? That’s the Minna Ola. At first glance it looks like a regular old vibrator, but it’s a bit more interesting than that. Unlike most vibes, it’s not operated by twisting or button-pushing. You work it by squeezing the squishy stress ball-esque nub at one end of it; the harder you squeeze it, the harder it vibes out. It also has a looping function that lets you record a pattern of vibration, in case you want to lay down some tracks for your vulva.
I’ll admit that I’m not terribly into vibrators for someone who agreed to review a vibrator. When I’m by myself, I’m pretty much all business, and this impulse must be balanced out by a clumsy tool like the human hand. Otherwise, the whole thing is really quick and easy and…anticlimactic. Sort of like I imagine one of those fake Viagra boners might be, only with orgasms. Does that make any sense? Basically, I have neither the time nor the ability to tease myself, and the Minna Ola was no different from anything else in this regard. But if you’re the type of person who lights scented candles and pencils in hour-long blocks of “me time,” you’ll probably have a blast trying out different patterns. And it’s waterproof, so you can take it into your sensual bubble bath with you.
The Minna Ola improved greatly when my boyfriend came over to hang out. “Is that a dildo?” he asked, spying it peeking out from under the sheets on his side of the bed. “Have you been dildoing yourself in my absence?” I corrected him that it was more a vibrator than a dildo, but he was already too busy fiddling with it to listen. He then proceeded to um, incorporate it into what we usually do, with much more finesse than I had employed earlier. This was fun! Remember, folks: there’s no rule that says vibrators are for alone time only.
Despite my general disregard towards battery powered delights, I will probably continue to “review” the Minna Ola indefinitely. It adds a little something special to the standard issue missionary-style sex we normally have. Just kidding, we do crazy Spiderman moves you haven’t even heard of. Just kidding. Just kidding. Anyway, the Minna Ola is an enjoyable marital aid. You should try it, maybe, if you’re into that kind of thing, or even if you think you could be into it.
And yes, I realize it’s spelled “review” and not “revue,” but I want people to imagine a parade of dildos and vibrators dancing joyously about when they read the title of this column. A veritable Christmas pageant of orgasms. Why? Because you’re worth it.