“I was not here for Ben. I mean, let’s face it, I was here for the girls.” – Ellen DeGeneres, pretending to be a scorned contestant on “The Bachelor.”

“I have a sparkly secret in my pants right now.” – Jennifer Love Hewitt, being cliche and possibly inadvertently hilarious in Maxim.

“I’d like to do the first bottomless broadcast. I feel like anyone can do a topless show, but when’s the last time you saw a nice, sensible shirt, heels and no pants?” – Kathy Griffin, on her dreams for her new show.