No matter how much a celebrity is buffered by PR people, yes-women, money, status, and success, I imagine that being publicly denounced as the “Least Sexy Fill-In-The-Blank” would be a tough thing for any woman to shake off.
Now, that’s never stopped men’s magazines from developing outstanding journalistic content around that critical topic. I’ve never been able to fathom a reason for it, but I guess I sort of hoped it was limited to the infamous list put out by Maxim, and notes circulated by high school sophomores.
But as it turns out, “unattractive women” lists are a bit more common than we might like — even as we speak, AskMen.com has a list up of the Top 10 least desirable women of 2010. Here are some of our thoughts (in bold) about the completely cunt-y things they had to say about the women on their list…women, we’re fairly certain, AskMen’s bloggers have never met:
Holly Madison: “What on earth is a Playboy Playmate doing on this list, you ask? Well, instead of handling the engagement of her former beau, Hugh Hefner, to fellow Playmate Crystal Harris with class and dignity, Holly Madison crudely exclaimed to Life & Style, ‘Basically, I think he could do better.'” — Because you’re in such a prime position to talk about what constitutes good taste in public commentary.
Miley Cyrus: “Since turning 18…Cyrus’ wardrobe has shrunk tenfold; provocative photos of her were ‘stolen’ and plastered all over the internet; she’s been caught on tape doing drugs and laughing maniacally; and her public persona shows no signs of maturing (and remains as grating as ever). The arrival of a Miley Cyrus sex tape is not a matter of ‘if” but ‘when.'”— …and you’ll be first in line to watch it. But really, AskMen? Really? You think you’re in a position to decry provocative pictures of women? There is literally a gallery of women in bikinis RIGHT NEXT TO THIS POST.
Khloe Kardashian: “If we ran into Khloe Kardashian awash in the dim light of a VIP room, under the influence of multiple shots of Ciroc, we might be tempted to compliment her hairdo and maybe even offer a kiss, as we’d be too drunk to recall her marriage to the behemoth hoopster Lamar Odom. But in the harsh light of day with the cold truth of sobriety in tow — and especially with her next to her two far more alluring sisters, Kim and Kourtney — well, let’s just say she’s not ‘the pretty one’ for a reason.” — Wow. So, you’re basically just an asshole.
Listen. Men’s glossy magazines aren’t exactly known for being arbiters of charm and sophistication, any more then their female glossy counterparts of similar intellectual aspirations. But there’s a fine line between being superficial and being a fucking dickhead. These lists don’t just walk up to that line and test it, they leap across it with douche-faced abandon, leaving their perpetrators so far from anything that could possibly be considered civil or in good taste that we think their access to website log-ins through which they can post their neanderthal ramblings should be permanently revoked.
It’s ironic, actually, since half of these websites’ and magazines’ articles are about how to pick up attractive, classy women. Here’s a place for you to start: don’t be an asshole.