It seems harsh to say that actors are the pariahs of the dating world, but let’s get real here for a second – at least here in L.A., among people who aren’t actors, the phrase “I would never date an actor” is kind of as common as “no thank you, I’m not eating bread.”
But is that fair? Are actors really that bad? I have to think that there are some people out there for whom an actor would make the ideal romantic partner. But who?
As much as nobody here likes generalizations, let’s find out the answer to that question by taking a look at some things that we can assume to be true about most thespians, and consider whether that would make them good dating partners, and if so, for whom.
For the sake of argument, let’s assume that we’re talking about working actors, because the question of whether you should date someone who wants to be an actor but is actually a waiter/bartender/valet/office manager is a different question entirely.
1. Actors are performers. Actors are among the few people in the world who enjoy being onstage, enjoy public speaking, and enjoy the spotlight. That means that at some point, you will have to share them with their audience, and during that time you will likely be left in the background for a while as they bask in the glory of their accomplishments.
This can be a good thing if you really don’t like the spotlight. If you’re a total introvert who gets lots of joy out of seeing other people succeed, this could mean the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re the type of person who likes to be the center of attention, you might think twice about sharing your thunder with a thespian.
2. Actors have vivid imaginations and play pretend for a living. Are you the type of person who loves cold, hard reason, and respects a man or woman who lives with their feet planted firmly on the ground? Do you enjoy conversations about facts, and does whimsy make your skin crawl? Is your own personal hell being proposed to in the middle of a bustling city square?
Then run, woman, run like mad in the opposite direction. Actors are creatives, and that means that at least some of the time they are given over to flights of fancy. They tend toward the quixotic and the ideal, and for a realist, it might feel like you’re constantly reigning in a child.
On the other hand, if you’re the type of realist who enjoys having your feet swept off terra firma by someone with a more romantic view of the world, or if you are also a creative who can’t imagine a life without fits of madness, then a man or woman of the stage might just be for you.
3. Some actors want to be famous. There are two ways this yearning for fame can go. In one scenario, your partner actually makes it big. The chances of that happening are slim to none, but let’s go with it. Realistically, at that point you’re probably going to be released from your duties as their love interest. Sure, there are some exceptions to this rule, but sister, even for the most tight-knit couples, overnight celebrity-dom presents a likely insurmountable obstacle (“take it from me,” she wheezed, inhaling a long drag of her menthol cigarette).
But hey, let’s say you do stay together. Suddenly you’re going to be a target for paparazzi too! You won’t be able to leave the house without make-up. Your body shape will scrutinized. If you’re too fat or too thin or even if you’re kind of perfect, people will mock you.
So if you like living vicariously and/or you kind of secretly want to be famous, or alternately, if you’re Camille Grammar, you should board this actor train just as soon as you can. But if you’re a more private person, please reconsider.
Now, let’s play it out to its other logical conclusion. Your partner tries to make it big for years and years and then realizes it’s not going to happen. You will have to be there to pick up the pieces. Does this appeal to you? No judgment. If you love the person, you’ll be there for them. But if you want someone with more reliable prospects, well…call me crazy, but acting isn’t exactly accounting as far as job security goes.
4. Actors deal in emotions for a living. Do you hate emotions? Are you afraid of yours? Are you afraid of other people’s? When you have an emotion, do you prefer to pretend it isn’t happening, or repress it, or deny it?
If so, there’s no reason for you to ever even think about dating an actor. The two of you would not last more than a month. Actors emote. That’s their job. If you hate emotions (and plenty of us do!) simply turn and walk the other way.
On the other hand, if you need help from a partner with expressing your emotions, or if you crave a safe space in a relationship to cry and scream and let it all out, an actor might be wonderfully suited to your needs.
Well, that’s it! Hopefully this little tutorial has helped you down your path of deciding whether or not to date an actor. We look forward to hearing what you decide.