cheesecake factory

Are you an adulterer? Are you an adulterer looking to go to a chain restaurant? Because apparently adulterers love chain restaurants. You should go to the Cheesecake Factory!

According to The Huffington Post: 

The infidelity website [Ashley Madison] surveyed 42,890 of their members in major American cities to compile a list of the top 10 most popular restaurants for cheaters to dine with their lovers. They found that their members prefer to take their mistresses to popular chain restaurants such as the Cheesecake Factory and steak houses such as Ruth’s Chris that are at least 20 miles from their homes.


RUTH CHRIS? Look, if you are having an affair, obviously you pick The Cheesecake Factory. Here is why:

1) Maybe your mistress would like to go someplace nice, like Lutece. You should tell her you are taking her to Lutece, and then, when you arrive at the Cheesecake Factory, she will be delighted, because they do not even serve fucking cheesecake at Lutece.

2) I am not even joking. Have you tried the cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory? It is amazing. It is seriously amazing. I would probably have sex with someone if could create the Heath Bar Cheesecake. I mean, at home. For me. For me alone. I would do so regardless of whether or not they were married.

3) The decor is pretty perky there, too! It’s all fake columns and murals! That spells extra-marital sexy time to me.

4) You can probably make some jokes about “cheesecake” if your mistress is a pin-up model from the 1950’s. That explains her demanding to go to Lutece, too, so that makes sense.

Amazing beautiful picture via The Cheesecake Factory