Burn the fucker down.

Break-ups are the worst. Between the emotional end of things, and having to divvy up what belongs to whom and the arguments over shit you don’t even care about, it’s painful on all senses. Then, of course, there is the situation of gifts you received from your now-ex. What do you do with them? Well, if you’re any reasonable individual, you shove them in a pillowcase, soak it all in gasoline, light the fucker on fire then hurl it into a sex shop. Yes, that’s what the reasonable folks do.

Jennifer Renee Colwell of Orange County did just that yesterday morning. She is one of these reasonable people I just mentioned.

Peeved and obviously heartbroken over the demise of her relationship with a certain fella, Colwell took her anger out on the sex shop, Intimate Obsessions, by trying to burn down the joint. The pillowcase of gifts had all come from the sex shop, so it only makes sense that she would take out her rage on the place. If all I had left from a failed relationship was a bunch of vibrators and butt plugs, I’d probably do the same.

Although her attempt wasn’t that great, as the sex shop is still standing and the flames only reached six feet in height, you have to give her credit for both originality and effort. It takes a certain kind of person to load a pillowcase with gifts from an ex, light them on fire then try to ignite the place from where the gifts came. As I said, it takes a “reasonable” type of person to act in such an “emotionally balanced” way. Colwell is an inspiration to scorned women everywhere — or at least the ones looking to face felony arson charges.

Anyone else have the hankering to burn down a sex shop after your last break-up?