You may or may not have heard, but Joe Francis is splitting up from his longtime beloved beshert wife of seven weeks, Christina McLarty. We covered the wedding way back in November, convinced that no one would have a more picture perfect marriage than the creator of Girls Gone Wild.

But we were wrong, America! What a sad day. Anyway, it leads us to wonder, what are the kinds of things that you find out about a person within the two months following the day that you promised to love them forever that would render that promise null and void? Of course, the bigger question is, why didn’t you know them two months ago? But that’s for another day and time. Here are a few guesses:

  1. You finally got around to asking their last name, and it’s the same as your first name.
  2. You didn’t live together before the marriage, and you’ve since learned that they brush their teeth with human blood.
  3. After consummating the marriage, you became pregnant with a human-vampire hybrid.
  4. No matter how many episodes you show them, your new spouse doesn’t think 30 Rock is funny.
  5. Irreconcilable differences.