I’ll be honest with you, at this point I’m just looking for reasons to put the word “fuck” in my headlines.

Today’s fuck-news brings you the fact that my fair city, the City of Angels, fucks more than your city, according to a highly scientific poll conducted by Trojan. The poll found that Angelenos have sex about 135 times a year, as compared to a national average of 120. Fucking the least are the folks in Philadelphia, with an average of just 99 times per year. (Too much time spent staring at the Liberty Bell, I imagine.)

Anyway, while I don’t doubt the sexual prowess of my adopted hometown, I do question some of the study’s other findings. For instance, they report that singles are having sex about 2.5 times per week. I don’t know who these singles are, and I don’t mean to knock the unattached, but who has the wherewithal to pick up someone new that often? You are a single superhero! I mean, I fucked plenty of people when I was single, don’t you worry, and I didn’t come anywhere near to boning down 2.3 times a week. Assuming these are legitimately single individuals, that means 130 different partners every year.

Anyway, much is also revealed by the fact that only 16% of female respondents and 31% of male respondents describe themselves as sexually liberal, and that more than 70% think that the phrase “hooking up” means “having sex with someone outside of a relationship.”

OK, so nothing about this study can be trusted. Except for the fact, which I continue to stand by, that we here in LA are just fucking up a storm. Trust.