Happy Valentine’s day week, almost! I know some of you are probably in relationships. That is fine. Some of you are probably not in relationships. That is also fine.

However I hope everyone IN THE WORLD has some manner of unrequited crush. If you do not have one, that is not fine, you should cultivate one immediately. If you need an incentive to do so, we’re giving away a fantastic pack of perfume prizes.

All you need to do is e-mail Jennifer [at] and write 600 to 800 words about your crush. And, of course, tell us your full name, mailing address, and birthdate (so we know where to send the prizes to) as well as the name you’d like the piece published under (if you’d like to keep it anonymous, we understand). We will post your submissions through Valentine’s day week, and vote for the best one at the week. In addition to glory, the winner will receive:

Price: 1.7 fl. oz – $52

Heidi Klum’s new fragrance. Surprise! by Heidi Klum
Price: 1.0 fl. oz. – $28

SOUL2Soul Vintage by Faith Hill
Price: 1.0 fl. oz. – $24.50

Closer by Halle Berry
Price: 1.7 fl oz – $35

If you need inspiration on crushes you might have some of mine, in no particular order:

Jeremy Irons. Forever, apparently.


Max Irons. Maybe? Feels weird but right.


Gordon Gekko


Jay Gatsby


J. Pierpont Morgan


I guess any character on The Hour, honestly, any of them, even the women.


Brian Williams, but that is like the blogger equivalent of saying “George Clooney.” Everyone loves Brian Williams. He is hilarious.


Scrooge McDuck in non-duck form.

If you write about any of these people, I will push very hard for you to win, but also, I will have to duel with you for their imaginary love. So, trade-offs.

Picture via Wikipedia

Read Terms & Conditions of the contest here.