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Why can’t I stop clicking on things about Courtney Stodden? For the same reason as everyone else: I want to know what her deal is. Is she on drugs, an abuse survivor, or independently crazy? Why does she insist on licking her lips and writhing every moment she’s on camera? I feel slightly guilty about wanting to know these things (of course, how guilty we’ll all ultimately feel will depend on what the answers turn out to be). But God dammit if I don’t still really want to know.

The couple’s latest interview doesn’t really answer any of these questions, but I feel we may be moving closer. Here are some pertinent tidbits:

1.) When asked how they met, she says it was “kind of a mutual friend” while explaining that Doug has a mutual friend with her MOTHER. That is not the same thing. But it makes me wonder: does Courtney have any friends her age? She left school some time ago, so I’m guessing she doesn’t. She talked about being bullied for the way she looked in another interview; I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she was pretty lonely when she met this dude. I find it hard to believe that a kid with a strong support network would up and marry a 51-year-old.

2.) Either Courtney’s body makes its own drugs, or she is high as a Courtney-Love-shaped kite. The constant writhing in her seat, licking her lips, posing like she is ever-so-turned-on, and glassy eyes make it seem like she’s been snorting speed balls. Also: the way she says “MMM-HMM” every ten seconds like she’s SNL’s Stefon.

3.) When asked about Courtney losing her virginity, Doug tries to play it cool, but Courtney goes ahead and calls him a tiger, and then he says “you’re so bad” and puts his face in her titties. This is obviously gross. But beyond that, I’m a little concerned about how hyper-sexualized she is. As some of you pointed out before, this is often a symptom of abuse. We don’t know too much about her mother, but so far her parenting skills do not seem to have much to recommend them.

4.) Courtney has an overblown sense of how famous she is. She uses phrases like “captivated the nation” and “fell in love and ignited the world” to describe their relationship. She also blames any criticism she’s gotten on sad, jealous haters (OH NO SHE DIDN’T!). This is textbook narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) behavior. Maybe she really is wise (and sociopathic) beyond her years, and saw an opportunity to ride a freaky relationship with an emotionally stunted b-list actor to tabloid fame. I know he talks like a cult leader, but it’s possible he’s the one getting played here.

What do you think?

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