Once you’re married, your sex life sucks. Once a month, boring, going through the motions. It’s horrible. It’s not even sex any more, it’s an obligation. This is the only thing I had ever heard about sex after marriage. Everywhere you turn, the butt of every married man’s joke, say goodbye to your sex life.
Well you know what? I’m calling bullshit on that.
Ya know what sex sucks? Sex that’s awkward because you don’t know the other person that well. Sex that you probably wouldn’t have had if you were completely sober – that definitely sucks. What about the sex that you think will be awesome because this guy is blisteringly hot, but you spend half the time worried about how you look or what he’s thinking? What about all those times you sucked in your stomach just a little bit more because his hand started moving towards your abdomen? What about the times you turned down what might have been great sex because you hadn’t shaved your legs in a couple of days?
All those times, back before marriage, those times sucked. They sucked in varying degrees, but there was a little bit of suckiness there for all of it. And honestly, looking back at my dating life before I was married, I can come up with a lot more examples. A guy leaving before he’s even stopped breathing heavily, embarrassment because you weren’t wearing your sexy, matching bra and panties that day. What about if you cry after sex and the guy is a complete ass about it?
Really, I’m sure all of us could keep going. There are a million things about sex in the beginning of a relationship that just aren’t that sexy. Yet, people assume that when you settle down, commit and live together, your sex life will suddenly get worse? I find this ridiculous and above all, untrue. Sex is about a lot more than mechanics, and even those improve the more you learn about your partner’s wants and needs.
You want to know what’s great about sex after marriage? Everything. In a good marriage, you sleep next to someone who knows and adores every inch of your body, so there is never anything to feel self-conscious about. Remember that awkward time when someone said, “I love you” because they were caught up in the moment, then both of you didn’t know where to go from there. Well after marriage (or any long term commitment), whispering sweet nothings only makes the sex sexier. And for anyone who complains about the boredom of married sex, I would say that they can’t have a very good imagination. Either that, or they really need to work on communicating with their partner. Because there is no better place to explore and experiment with what turns you on, then when you’re in a loving and honest relationship.
If frequency is the complaint, here’s my advice. Roll over. Seriously, you sleep in the same bed every night and you can’t make the time to get some? Roll Over! Go to bed early, stay in bed late, do whatever you have to do. Sex has become just another thing on your check list? Sometimes, that’s alright with me. Sometimes, an orgasm in between finishing the laundry and watching The Big Bang Theory is just what I needed. If that’s not what you’re looking for, then put some damn effort into things. Be spontaneous, do something special.
But don’t ever sit back, unsatisfied with your love life and blame the institute of marriage. Being committed doesn’t stop love, both the emotional and the physical kind, from taking effort and thought. But if you work it right, marriage can make your sex life better than any single fling you can think up.
[Writer’s Note: I’m talking about marriage, because that’s the most loving and committed relationship I’ve ever been in. But really, I think this applies to all long-term, committed couples, whether they’re married, don’t want to get married or unfortunately, are denied the right to be married.]