What’s the sense in just making plans in the hopes that your Valentine will show up when you can now “legally bind” them to the entire day? Valentine’s Day just got a whole lot better for neurotics and psychopaths everywhere with this brilliant idea.

Docracy has decided to take the “if” out of Valentine’s Day with this card that you fill out then send along to your beloved, or in some cases, the object of your affection whose been trying to avoid you like the plague for years. This “Be My Valentine (Legally Binding)” makes sure that if your date is a no-show or strays from the agreed upon terms, then you can take them to court over it.

Nothing says love like an argument in a court of law the day after Valentine’s Day, right? Whoever said romance is dead, was clearly out of their mind!