“Scientists” (barflies) just discovered that the best pick-up line is “hello.” Alternatively, “how are you?”

That’s all well and good, except that they’re wrong. The best pick-up line is “if I could rearrange the alphabet and put U and I together, I probably wouldn’t. Can you imagine how much a rearranged alphabet would fuck with people?”


“Was your daddy a jewel thief? Because I saw a man who looked a lot like you fleeing Harry Winston with the fuzz in hot pursuit.”

Both of these lines should be said by Cary Grant, by the way. Young Cary Grant. Not old, acid-using, sad Cary Grant.