You know, we could go either way on whether or not People magazine was right to pick Bradley Cooper as their sexiest man of the year. Let’s debate with ourselves.

Did you see Limitless? It left me with the lingering impression that Bradley Cooper is a millionaire novelist who can read minds, maybe. Sexy!

Wait, but isn’t Limitless just about doing a ton of meth? And not being able to brush your hair unless you’re on a smart-drug? That’s not how life works. Not sexy because lying is not sexy.

Did you see Between Two Ferns with him and Zach Galiflinakas? Being able to laugh at yourself is sexy.

Yeah, I saw Between Two Ferns, the awkwardness on that really drove home a lot of my insecurities about my own awkwardness and just felt hideously uncomfortable. Hideously uncomfortable.

Did you see Hangover II? No. Zero points.

All the characters he plays seem pretty appealing, right? Sexy.

You know the only characters he plays are villainous douchebags, right? Stop judging me.

Oh, he was an English Major? Really? Sexy!

He has really nice hair. Sexy!