Michael Lohan is many things: gross, an opportunist, and way behind in his child support payments. He is also one of TheGloss’ “Ten Celebrities You Should Never Date,” despite a lot of office debate about whether the guy even counts as a celebrity. But I think it’s pretty clear that he would make a really bad boyfriend. Yet women continue to date him. Why? What is it about a balding father of four from Long Island who makes money by selling information about one of his kids to the press that ladies find so irresistible?
For awhile, Lohan was engaged to Kate Major, in the most perfect famewhore union since Heidi and Spencer. Major, a Star reporter who had been assigned to write about Jon Gosselin and then quit her job to be with him, was an up-and-coming tabloid fixture in her own right. When Gosselin dumped her, she hooked up with his estranged friend Lohan, and a paparazzi-courting relationship was born. The two got engaged and moved to Los Angeles together. However, the course of true love never did run smooth – the pair split, and Lohan leaked topless pictures of Major (taken while she was asleep) to several gossip websites. If you didn’t think that Michael Lohan was a douchebag before this happened, it’s hard not to think he’s one now. I mean, if Lindsay actually thinks her mother is a good parent, you can only imagine what she’s comparing her to. Lohan’s previous girlfriend, Erin Muller, accused of being physically abusive, reportedly slapping her and kicking her in the vagina. That’s right, you heard me. In the vagina. It’s as if he needed a metaphor for his hatred of women.
Now, Michael Lohan has actually found someone else willing to date him despite the fact that he exploited his ex-girlfriend’s privacy and blasted his daughter’s personal voicemails on the internet. Some person named Sonia Stickles is not only dating Lohan but willingly kissing him in public where other people can see and take pictures of her. Does she have any friends? Does she have relatives? Do any of them read magazines? Has she heard of the internet? Seriously, why would anyone date Michael Lohan? Does he have enough money to bribe a potential girlfriend? Is there some kind of business deal involved here? This is why you Google people before you date them, OK? It’s one thing if his name is Joe Smith and you have trouble finding out shit about him online, but Michael Lohan wears his doucheitude on his sleeve, and on his pant leg, and ACROSS THE ENTIRE INTERNET. Stay away, lady. The potential $50 that Life & Style will give you for naked pictures later is totally not worth it.