Today, in sexy science news: Did you know that if you fake an orgasm, it’s probably because of your own personal insecurities, and not at all because the mediocre sex you are having is just not worth trying to salvage? I read it on Fox News’ website, so it must be true. According to a survey conducted by Erin Cooper of Temple University, over 60% of women have faked it at one point or another (this jives with our own survey’s results), and the surveyed women’s reasons for faking it include all sorts of tangled psychological lady-issues that are not the guy’s fault at all, no, not even a little.

Via Fox News:

Cooper surveyed 366 females ages 18 to 32 who had indicated they endorse faking orgasms, about their sexual habits, their reasons for faking it during a past relationship and their feelings about intimacy.

Many of these women said they faked it due to their own fear of intimacy; they also reported faking orgasm because they felt insecure about their sexual functioning, or because they want to get it over with.

Wanting to get it over with, I can understand. (As Jen Doll at Runnin Scared points out, this is not necessarily a result of “the woman’s own issues.”) Insecurity over sexual functioning? Sad, but believable. But “fear of intimacy”? Am I to believe women are faking orgasms because they think not faking an orgasm will somehow make their relationships with the dudes they’re boning more intimate? Balderdash!

The only universe in which this makes sense is one in which the old conservative chestnut that “orgasms=instant loooove for all women” holds true. You fake an orgasm to stop the sexing before you can have a real one. That way, you keep dangerous love juice from being secreted by your ovaries, which would, once secreted, eventually travel to your brain and kill you make you want to get married. Duh.

To make a T.M.I. confession, I have never faked an orgasm. Does this mean I’ve had one every time I’ve had sex? I wish. Did it hurt their little feelings? Maybe. But faking orgasms to save a guy’s ego is metaphorically fucking over the rest of woman kind. I’d rather have a few bruised egos out there than a bunch of dudes who wrongheadedly believe that what they’re doing is awesome. As for “fear of intimacy,” I’ll take my chances, thanks.