Dear Future Wedding Party If I Ever Get Married,
Please do not ever attempt to kidnap, attack or otherwise scare the shit out of me before my wedding. If you give me shingles, I will likely not pay for your champagne and I will definitely put videos of you at the reception swaggering with my uncle to Rihanna on YouTube.
Okay, but really: a groom in from Somerset (corrected, lo siento!), England developed shingles as a direct result of his “best friends” and their incredibly bizarre idea of a “good time,” and it sounds like an incredible nightmare perpetrated by people who have never seen the movie Jawbreaker.
Ollie McAninch and fiancée Clair Hart were driving together through a rural area when several men, apparently McAninch’s “friends,” surrounded their vehicle. The gang used smoke bombs and screamed at him to get out the vehicle, then threw him in the back of a van, gagged him and forced him into a Guantanamo Bay-esque jumpsuit. Then the pranksters drove 100 miles before stopping; they seriously let him believe for two hours that he might be murdered in the very near future.
After they finally let him know about the joke, they forced McAninch to wear a “lime green Borat-style mankini” and bike 10 miles to his bachelor party.
Again, these are people he is apparently friends with. And for the record, Clair Hart was in on the “joke” — thus why no police were called — which makes her quite the douchebag, as well.
Because of the horribly idiotic ordeal, McAninch wound up developing shingles and was advised to stay away from Hart for a month, which put him in danger of missing his wedding. However, the pair was wed this week and McAninch’s friends were invited, making him either World’s Most Forgiving Human or World’s Biggest Pushover.