The frothing, megalomaniacal version of the Monopoly man from your dystopian nightmares has some strong feelings about the news that Miss World will be forgoing the bikini competition of their Indonesian leg this year, so as not to “offend Muslims in Indonesia” (per the always-reliable and even-handed Gretchen Carlson).
British women are over bikinis this year, and we think that’s awesome. More
Feeling pressure to slim down for your bikini? Don’t. The only thing that actually creates a “bikini body” is to put a bikini on your body (or to make a body out of bikinis, I guess). More
We make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow a lot here at The Gloss, but that’s typically just us poking at her ridiculously out-of-touch attitude toward money, food and the world at large.
Now, though, she’s being hit with a whole lot of criticism from all directions for selling bikinis to children on GOOP. I’m admittedly not opposed to bikinis for kids — so they’re wearing two pieces of cloth instead of one, big deal — but I am totally disturbed by the photos GOOP is using to market these bikinis to children. More
Sorry all of your news today is “age inappropriate things are going on in China” but toddlers are now modeling in bikinis for auto shows in the 2012 Chutian Automobile Culture Festival.
Watching a toddler in a bikini strokes a car seductively is probably the most off-putting thing I can imagine, so I’m always fascinated in the mentality that means that anyone would think this was a good idea. More
High five, Judge! More
Elizabeth Hurley is still very real, you guys. We weren’t entirely sure what the onetime Austin Powers love interest did with her time until this morning, though, when we found out 1) she designs swimwear and 2) she’s involved in a scandal thanks to that swimwear line’s kid’s collection. Hurley calls the looks “fun” on her website, but parents who hate fun have banded together with a child protection charity in the U.K. and are accusing Hurley of sexualizing young girls. More
People are really pissed about this. More
We’ve already covered how to look good in a bikini, now lets tackle what the state of your swimsuit actually says about you. You know. As a person. More
Remember last week when we showed you how to find the right swimsuit for your body? Well, that was last week. This week, we’re going to zero in on the old albatross: the bikini. Now, any ladymag will tell you that the key to wearing a bikini is confidence! but they’ll sandwich that canny little platitude in between pages of celeb diet tips & tricks, photos of models airbrushed beyond recognition and pages and pages of expensive clothes and make-up you now think you need. But not TheGloss. Here, we give you fucking truth. This week’s Illustrated Guide will show you how to look good in a bikini… even if it kills you. More
An Action News reporter named Michael Clark was on the case, saying that the onesie’s tag says “right on the front… that it’s for 18 month old girls.” He brought the onesie around Southhaven and (seemingly) ambushed parents in parking lots to get their opinions. More
“Calling all beach bums! Find your perfect fit in our online Swim Style Finder!” is the caption of this image, posted by Victoria’s Secret to the brand’s Facebook page. It’s followed by a link to their online bikini boutique. …Which is, in turn, followed by a 2000-deep (at pub time) comment thread about how absolutely fucking ridiculous this Photoshop hatchet job looks. More
Does one need to be a skinny-minnie to wear a bikini or can we admit that no matter your size, as long as you’re comfortable, you should just go for it and critics be damned? More