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Happy birthday, Adam Levine! Today, you’re 35, which means you’re approximately 24 in famous dudebro years! And what comes with being an eternally 20-something brosicle? Dating models, of course. More
My birthday actually falls on Valentines Day, a fact which tends to make my good birthdays fantastic, and my bad birthdays extra awful. More
Good god, my life is so boring. More
. And that’s how they’ll continue to celebrate, we bet, until Hermes starts stitching crude portraits onto Birkins. More
Here are 3 things that you cannot deny: baked brie is the best thing ever, the plot of Pretty Woman makes you sad if you think about it too hard and Rebel Wilson’s hilarious. Every time I watch her in a movie or read an interview with her or just think about her playing the head whore in that cut scene from Les Mis, I laugh. And I’m not an LOL-er. Things have to be very, very funny before I make any noise. Even if I’m dying inside, I’m a statue on the outside. It’s a horrid flaw that leads to lots of uncomfortable fake laughter every time someone’s like, “this is sooooo funny, you have to watch it.” More
This past weekend, I threw myself a goth mitzvah for my 28th birthday. There were friends, fun, pizza, cake, post punk, ’90s goth kid music, booty rap, laser lights, space helmets, and a good bit of debauchery. It was my friend Dana’s birthday too, and while she didn’t need a goth mitzvah as much as I did, she was happy to participate. More
Before I proceed with the following story, I should note that both The Gloss and myself are very pro-sex worker. I personally go to strip clubs on a weekly basis — it is incredibly normal here in Portland to get … More
Look, I think the million dollar question here is not “how is Lindsay Lohan financially in a position wherein she has to play bat mitzvahs to make money. I think we know that. The answer is “bad choices.” I think the questions is “what is Lindsay Lohan going to do at a bat mitzvah to make her a worthwhile addition?”
I hoped that maybe she was going to throw a drink in some kid’s face, because that would be amazing, and kids can be really unruly at bar and bat mitzvahs, but, no, I am wrong. That is not going to happen. More
Do not adjust your computer screens. This is a real greeting card. More
16 Year-Old Girl Posts Her Suicide Video To YouTube
How Did This Teen's Urine Basically Ruin Portland?
Heartbreaking Texts Sent From Missing Ferry Passengers
Kirsten Dunst Is Sexual Assault Victim-Blaming Now
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I remember very little besides I woke up in a room on the 52nd floor of Encore (not our hotel) soaked in what I can only hope was water with a chicken finger in my right hand and a cigarette in the other. More
Take a guess at the birthday girl’s festivities? Whatever you guessed, you’re wrong. More
What’s great is how uncomfortable the parents are in this picture. More
Today is my half birthday. It seems fitting that it falls on a Wednesday since that is the day of the week that I write my column for you, dear Gloss readers. I have six months left of my twenties and I can’t help feeling that it will be gone before I know it. Twenty-nine almost feels like a fake age somehow, a gray area, neither here nor there. I’m not technically thirty but I don’t so much feel like I’m in my twenties any longer either. More
It is very important! More
