Topic: Brandy Alexander

The Heart Monitor: 8 Things I Learned About My Boyfriend While Watching ‘Bridalplasty’

The Heart Monitor: 8 Things I Learned About My Boyfriend While Watching 'Bridalplasty'

The E! reality show just aired the season finale of its sickest, ugliest, worst reality show yet.

Bridalplasty has had its fair share of negative attention. The setup is woefully American: Pit twelve desperate engaged women with massive body insecurities against each other to compete for plastic surgeries and a dream wedding. They scream, they fight, they cry, they go under the knife and they bleed. The women form alliances and ruthlessly throw one another under the bus—and bouts of plastic surgery stitch them back up again. Most of the women have sob stories. They’re in debt and they’re miserable. This dream wedding is their last chance! That lipo is really, um, important! They need veneers, damn it! More »

The Heart Monitor: 10 Reasons Why Ladymags Will Ruin Your Life

The Heart Monitor: 10 Reasons Why Ladymags Will Ruin Your Life

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “Brandy,” you’re thinking, “where do you get off telling us not to read ladymags? You write a relationship column in an online ladymag! Where do you get off?”

Guilty. But my columns are usually personal anecdotes you can relate to, or humorous advice that should be taken with a big grain of kosher salt.

But ladymags are seriously detrimental to your mental health and your sex life! They ravage your self-esteem and fill you with panic. Here’s why: More »

The Heart Monitor: How to Deal with a Crying Woman

The Heart Monitor: How to Deal with a Crying Woman

I cry all the time.

Anything can set me off. Used to be bad PMS, a sad movie, or a break up would do the trick. If you sat me down in front of Beaches I was a rainstorm of emotion.

I’ve always been a crier, but my tear-stained bar is so much lower these days. I cry during heartstring-tugging coffee comercials. I run to the office bathroom and burst into tears after a stressful meeting. I disagree with my boyfriend about planning a trip and start sobbing. More »

The Heart Monitor: When to Make Your Boyfriend Man Up (And When to Let Him Be a Child)

The Heart Monitor: When to Make Your Boyfriend Man Up (And When to Let Him Be a Child)

Every man has his moments when he acts like a little boy. And some have moments when they act like whiny babies.

Sometimes when my boyfriend acts like a brat, I coddle him. It’s terrible, I know. But he has these blue eyes and cute dimples and I just… Ugh. See? This is what happens when I try to put my foot down. One look at his sad puppy face and I I’m kissing his forehead and making him cookies. Like I said: Ugh. More »

The Heart Monitor: The Weighting Is The Hardest Part

The Heart Monitor: The Weighting Is The Hardest Part

I was always a short, curvy girl with a big chest and a flat stomach. When I tried, I was a size 4. When I splurged, I was—at most—a size 6. But after the first six months with my boyfriend, I could barely get into the baggy size 6 jeans I had reserved for occasional PMS bloating. My huge chest was too huge, and I had developed a tummy.

He was a former fat kid who had lost forty pounds over the course of a successful year. He had gone from chunky to thin, and his face thinned out to reveal svelte cheeks and a sexy jawline. When I met him, his skinny jeans were just that—skinny. And he looked great in them. Fast forward six months later, and he hasn’t gained back all the weight but he’d gained some of it. His face had filled out more and his stomach had, too. He no longer wore his skinny jeans.

We moved in together, and vowed to each other that we would eat out less.

We didn’t. More »

The Heart Monitor: Happy Anniversary, Tom Collins

The Heart Monitor: Happy Anniversary, Tom Collins

One year ago today, we launched an unconventional “how we met” story.

This was a month after our introduction by a mutual friend, followed by an open-bar encounter, a late-night flirtation, a run-in with the cops, and a series of delayed Facebook messages. It was all very New York circa 2010.

Thirteen months ago, I had been dating—if you can call it dating—three, maybe four men.

My last relationship had ended painfully, and I fed my feelings with blind dates, sexy coworkers, and bar-side conversationalists. I gave them all nicknames so my friends could keep them straight. Before those three or four, there had been another set of three or four, and so on, mapped out in advance so that I had perpetual seasonal accompaniment. More »

The Heart Monitor: What to Do When You’re Drunk at Your Partner’s Holiday Party

The Heart Monitor: What to Do When You're Drunk at Your Partner's Holiday Party

If you’re reading this, you’ve already gone past accidental intoxication. In the grand scheme of party advice, you’re beyond what to wear, how to carry a smart conversation and which clutch will hold your iPhone, your lipstick and a few credit cards. If you’re reading this, you’ve passed very drunk and are hurtling straight into a collision course with completely fucking wasted.

This is no ordinary holiday party advice column. This is an Oh my god you forgot to eat dinner, went crazy at the open bar and got shitfaced at your significant other’s holiday party but will probably black out on all of this in the morning advice column. It’s happened to everyone. More »