Hey, betches! Sofia Coppola‘s The Bling Ring premieres at Cannes today! The film, which stars Emma Watson as the Worst, is based on a true story about a group of shallow people who robbed rich and famous shallow people. Zeitgeisty!
Anyway, guess what that means? Horrible early/mid ’00s fashion is back! Did you miss whiskered jeans? Louis Vuitton Murakami bags? Purse dogs? Ever-present Frappuccinos? Unapologetic venality? Paris Hilton being marginally relevant?
Hopefully you didn’t. But let’s take a stroll down the worst kind of memory lane with our carefully considered Bling Ring-inspired shopping guide. More
Christian Louboutin has collaborated with some odd bedfellows in the past, but if rumors of his latest collaboration are true, he may well have topped himself with a pair of sneakers made of kale. More
I honestly thought Christian Louboutin was the new Manolo Blahnik, as evidenced by the fact that they wore Louboutins obsessively in Sex and the City 2 (a terrible movie I have probably accidentally watched six or seven times). I never loved that, because Christian Louboutins are pretty uncomfortable, whereas Manolo Blahniks were very comfortable. But maybe I’ll have better luck with THIS new Manolo Blahnik. More
Normally we’re not too fond of the suede thigh-high look–it strikes us as a little too unapologetically Kim Kardashian/Real Housewives of Orange County/Paris Hilton‘s “career as a recording artist.” But Kruger makes it work by keeping everything else so subdued… and also because she’s Diane Kruger and we kind of blindly approve of everything she wears. So… sorry for being a coward. More
There are so many things that are annoying about this!
At least three. More
It seems like her wardrobe choices lately have amounted to “fill a cannon with tight, pink, sparkly shit” and “stand in front of it.” More
Listen closely… that’s the sound of 1000 social climbers weeping. More
“Hey girl, wanna go rummaging in a rat-infested dumpster and see what exciting things we can find?” More
Boobs boobs legs boobs legs boobs boobs legs boobs. More
I have much better ideas on what to do with 20,000 pairs of fake Louboutins than setting them on fire. Not all of those ideas involve giving the shoes to me. More
Ladies, please don’t do this. More
To “evoke lightness” (but definitely not subtlety) Louboutin made the 120-millimeter heels out of white lace and Swarovski crystals (which are like rich people ketchup, basically). Then he added some butterflies because butterflies are feminine and shit. More
Our derision for midriff-baring gowns is pretty well-documented, as well as our derision for Balmain. We dislike the busy embellished shoes with the already busy embellished dress. BUT!