HOW HORRIFYING IS THIS MASK? WOULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHO WORE THIS MASK? More
Once upon a time, all a person needed to do to escape her exes was to lock herself in a tower or run into the forest. But now, the past is everywhere, and if you have a career or life that remotely involves the Internet, you will be reminded of it literally every day. More
“Stalking” is such an ugly word, isn’t it? It’s just as bad as “golf,” or “moist,” or “panties.” Or even worse, “golfing and stalking in moist panties.” More
Oh, just another way to make sure we’re all getting laid as often as possible. More
Go ahead and “friend” them on Facebook. Why? Because the “freaks” always win. More
Never underestimate a single person who’s looking for love. Once they put their mind to it, they can do anything! Climb mountains! Build model airplanes! Eat 50 eggs! Anything. More
IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING! THE GIRLS REALITY SHOW! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP! More
Of course, you’re happy about your engagement ring. And everyone else is happy for you! Really! You’re getting married! But do you need to post pictures of your engagement ring with no explanation on Facebook? Some people think probably not. More
Because I don’t ‘like’ it. More
The truth hurts, darling; so you won’t feel a thing. More
FACEBOOK RUINS ONE-NIGHT STANDS. More
“HE MADE UP A FAKE PROFILE ON FACEBOOK AND POSED AS A FEMALE IN LOVE WITH HIM.” More
So, someone named their child Hashtag.
Little Hashtag is going to, from an early age, have a deep rooted desire to compartmentalize everything. You know that scene in high school movies where some nerdy kid shows a chart of how the cafeteria arranged in order of popularity? Hastag is going to do that. Unfortunately, since no one has ever done that in real life, people are going to think that Hashtag is a lunatic.
But he’s going to make great lists, later.
Here are some likely outcomes for other names, since this will be a trend now. More
First of all, the Facebook copyright is fake. You cannot copyright everything on your Facebook with a status update. That’s not even logic. Second of all, you look ridiculous. You do not need to copyright pictures of you eating pizza in your familial home. No one is after you. No one is trying to “out” those photos. You are insignificant. You will probably die with some people, and they will love and admire you, but your funeral will be medium sized, and not at Westminster Abbey. At the reception, pizza will be served in memory of you. It will be a little bit cold.
I will probably copyright everything on my Facebook, though, because I plan to be very famous. Maybe the most famous person ever, or at least, like, Naked Cowboy In Times Square level. That would be enough. Famous enough to wear hats in public, that’s all I want. More