Topic: food is fashionable

The Hierarchy Of Fast Food Restaurants

The Hierarchy Of Fast Food Restaurants

Have you often wondered “why is it perfectly acceptable for me to have a burrito bowl from Chipolte, but if I even suggested I would like to get a taco from Taco Bell people would lecture me about the rat meat they used to make those? Are both not fast food restaurants?” Yes. But, also, no. Here is the hierarchy of fast food so you never need to be confused again. More »

Hot Stuff Guys Used To Do: Beefsteak Dinners

 Hot Stuff Guys Used To Do:  Beefsteak Dinners

Have you noticed that men seem nearly concerned about their bodies as women, lately? I feel like suddenly I keep encountering men who know more than I do about juice cleanses and the benefits of protein shakes and basically not eating solids. Eating only baby food and duck’s blood soup, Empress Sisi style. The thing is, I do not really want to talk about the benefits of kale smoothies with my man friends, because I already have 100 female friends who can talk about them forever. Really, all I want is a man who eats steak. With his hands. Just men with raw steaks hanging out of their mouths, like some sort of Bosch nightmare creatures.

That’d be awesome.

Shame no one has beefsteak dinners anymore. More »

Very Specific Things Your Favorite Fruit Or Vegetable Says About You

Very Specific Things Your Favorite Fruit Or Vegetable Says About You

Congratulations on eating fruits and vegetables sometimes, it’s going to stop your hair from all falling out. You’re making good choices. But what do your choices say about you? I know we covered this to some extent (strawberries: hopeless romantics. Acai: people who love LA. Tomatoes: people who enjoy Julia Child, Cauliflower: lobotomy patients) but let’s go deeper on this.

Who are banana people? More »

Learning To Cook Reluctantly: Coliflor Rebozada (Spanish Style Cauliflower)

Learning To Cook Reluctantly: Coliflor Rebozada (Spanish Style Cauliflower)

I don’t care for cauliflower, really.

It’s a weird little vegetable, isn’t it? Because it looks like a brain. Also, it’s largely tasteless. I think a lot of fruits and vegetables should come with tags about who will enjoy them. For instance – strawberries: hopeless romantics. Acai: people who love LA. Tomatoes: people who enjoy Julia Child.

Cauliflower: lobotomy patients. More »

I’m Sick Of Your Dumb Frozen Yogurt Obsession

I'm Sick Of Your Dumb Frozen Yogurt Obsession

Look, frozen yogurt isn’t that great, okay? I’m not saying it’s awful, but it is not a food that deserves to be accompanied by a chorus of feminine squeals every time it is mentioned.

And The New York Observer is backing me up on this. There’s a piece about the rise of frozen yogurt and how it is – as I have always secretly felt – really, really overrated. When I saw this I breathed a sigh of relief, took a gander at the writer’s name (Kim Velsey) and I murmured “you and me, Kim. We are in this thing together.”

I think I meant, “a life defined by not being like other girls, insofar as we have no desire to hang out at Pinkberry eating a substance seemingly defecated out of a machine. Insofar as we do not really want to eat robot poop with cookie dough bits mixed in, basically.” More »

This 1965 Barbie’s Advice Will Horrify You

This 1965 Barbie's Advice Will Horrify You

In Emile Rousseau gives one of the best explanations of dolls I’ve ever heard. He says that girls play with them either to learn how to tend to the children they will one day have (without the screaming, or defecating, unless you get one of those terrifying ‘Baby Alive’ dolls) or to help them understand what it will be like to have a fully grown body, and clothe it accordingly. In either case, they are supposed to allow young women insight into their future and a non-threatening way to prepare for it. Which is why the advice from the 1965 version of Slumber Party Barbie is so horrifying. More »