Topic: Illustrated Guides

Illustrated Guide: How To Deal With Stress

People everywhere deal with stress. Sometimes the source of stress is very real (feeding your family, losing your job, struggling with debt) and sometimes it is not (whatever stresses out bloggers). The funny thing about stress, though, is no matter how serious the source of it is, it’s still slowly killing everyone. All the time.

So! We decided to be proactive about our problems (apparently mindlessly searching the internet for ways to handle stress is an unhealthy coping mechanism) and assemble some advice for stress management into a helpful Illustrated Guide. More »

I Have A Crush On: Ashley Cardiff, Duh

Her nonchalance wooed me. More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Stick With Your New Year’s Resolution And Actually Lose Weight

So, it’s late January. As such, one’s dedication to one’s New Year’s resolution has begun to waver. You see the herds thinning at the gym, the extra straws at the juice counter. People are losing their resolve. Their meat/dairy/gluten-banning, raw-food hoovering, high protein, low glycemic and all around extreme diets have turned out to be… unrealistic.

That’s why I’ve decided to step in and help! More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Behave After A One Night Stand

Quietly gaze at his sleeping face for 20-30 minutes.

Maybe draw a portrait of him while he sleeps.

Was your New Years resolution to have more casual sex? If so, you should really reconsider because New Years resolutions are stupid. However, just because you didn’t promise yourself to wake up beside more strangers in 2013 doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know how to handle the morning after. Today’s Illustrated Guide is a handy tool for navigating a one night stand. More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Get Laid On Halloween

A lot of people go to bars on Halloween...

A lot of people go to parties on Halloween...

Gather approximately one large bowl full.

Halloween is a great time to have sex! Inhibitions go out the window when you combine outlandish dress with alcohol. Unfortunately, everyone knows this, so the competition to get laid on Halloween can be extraordinary.

That’s where we come in! This week’s Illustrated Guide will teach you how to distinguish yourself.

…Sexily. More »

Illustrated Guide: What Your Favorite Sexy Halloween Costume Says About You

Sexy Lab Technician Who Sprays Beef With Ammonia To Make It Fit For Human Consumption

It’s that time of year… when the internet gets together and collectively discovers that cheap, tacky Halloween costume manufacturers indeed manufacture cheap, tacky Halloween costumes. Gird yourself for 1000 slideshows of sexy versions of regular things, counted down and up and to and fro. Did you know they make sexy Halloween costume versions of beloved childhood characters? Of eating disorders? Of unicorns? Well, I ask you: what if these costumes stirred something deep within you? What if they revealed a hidden aspect of your psyche?

This week’s Illustrated Guide is a kind of paraphrasing of Friedrich Nietszche: when you look into a cheap polyester mini and lucite heels… it looks into you. More »

Illustrated Guide: The 9 Best Ways To Attract Street Style Photographers

Spend $2000 or more on a single accessory.

It seems like roughly 50% of all fashion week coverage is now devoted to street style: images of people outside the tents are effectively as popular as images from the runways, especially now that fashion bloggers and editors are celebrities in their own right. What used to be a democratizing force in the stubbornly elitist fashion industry, however, has really, really… evolved. A few years ago, you could just go outside looking pulled-together and original with a slick of lipstick and people with cameras would flock; now the rules are different. This week’s Illustrated Guide is the definitive manual to getting snapped by a street style photographer. More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Dress For A Job Interview

Every guide we read emphasized the importance of fit and tailoring.

Also emphasized constantly was "dynamic colors."

Go into the interview wearing a headset.

Have you ever wondered how to dress for a job interview? You must have, because one of the more overused fashion magazine tropes is just that and the idea gets recycled constantly. Of course, none of them really acknowledge that appropriate dress for a job position may depend on that specific position/that specific office culture/that specific industry, as opposed to some fashion editor’s idea of nebulous “business.” Still, we read a whole bunch of these breakdowns purporting to make you fit to become that vague executive of something and then we decided to condense all of those suggestions into one helpful Illustrated Guide. Happy hunting! More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Look Good In A Bikini

Surgically attach peacock feathers to your body

Remember last week when we showed you how to find the right swimsuit for your body? Well, that was last week. This week, we’re going to zero in on the old albatross: the bikini. Now, any ladymag will tell you that the key to wearing a bikini is confidence! but they’ll sandwich that canny little platitude in between pages of celeb diet tips & tricks, photos of models airbrushed beyond recognition and pages and pages of expensive clothes and make-up you now think you need. But not TheGloss. Here, we give you fucking truth. This week’s Illustrated Guide will show you how to look good in a bikini… even if it kills you. More »

What We're Reading:

This Will Drive Your Man Wild Before Sex
Source: The Stir
6 Ways Sex Can Make You More Attractive
Source: YourTango
3 Ways He Can Tell You're Faking An Orgasm
Source: YourTango
Why Kissing Matters During Foreplay
Source: YourTango
Woman Divorces Soldier Who Lost Legs Because She Wants A Normal Life
Source: The Stir

Illustrated Guide: How To Find The Perfect Swimsuit For Your Body

If you’ve ever read a ladymag or even seen one while in line at the grocery store, you know that every summer brings approximately one thousand guides promising to place you with the right or ideal or perfect swimsuit for your body type. They all boil down to what kind of fruit you resemble (apple/pear/ruler) (?) and really just exist to make women feel terrible about themselves (hide this/distract from that/conceal, etc) so they’ll continue on to page X for the latest celeb diet secrets. Since TheGloss is also a thing for ladies, we’ve decided to try our hand at the time-honored feature. This week’s Illustrated Guide will help you find that perfect swimsuit for your body, whatever that may be. You’re so welcome! More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Become A Sugar Baby

Begin referring to your vagina as "sugar."

Next, you'll need some professional headshots.

In recent weeks, TheGloss‘ resident sex worker Cathryn Berarovich has delved into the world of sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships. We understood the term colloquially, but until Ms. Berarovich explained, we did not realize that being a sugar baby was actually a viable career opportunity, gilded with fancy dinners and expensive jewelry. Curious about the profession, we spent some time on various sugar daddy/baby networking sites. After several hours of research (many of them sober), we present herewith our extremely useful primer on entering a mutually beneficial relationship. This week’s Illustrated Guide will teach you everything you need to know in order to become a successful sugar baby. More »

Illustrated Guide: What To Wear In Scorching Hot Weather

Here at TheGloss, we care about your dignity.

So, when the weather gets hot, you have to get creative.

Whenever it gets really hot, fashion magazines will tell you all kinds of bullshit about cute clothes to wear–eyelet dresses! mullet skirts! sheer blouses!–but fashion magazines ply you with lies. Moreover, do you really want to sweat through your pretty new eyelet dress? Do you really want to get sunscrean all over your nice blouse? No. You want to give up. You want to roll over and die in an air conditioner. …But sometimes you don’t have that option. Sometimes you even have to go to work. This week’s Illustrated Guide will show you how to keep things stylish and cool during those brutal Summer heat weaves. More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Hide Your Infidelity (So You Don’t Have To Apologize Like Kristen Stewart)

Give everyone in your phone the same name.

Yesterday, the western world was devastated to learn that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson–her boyfriend of three years and Twilight co-star–with Rupert Sanders, the married director of her star vehicle, Snow White and the Huntsman. No matter what we do moving forward, unfortunately we can never go back to the time of perfect innocence before. However, we can become better… by which I mean, we can cheat without getting caught. Or, if we do get caught, we will find a good alternative to “offering a heartfelt apology.” Today’s Illustrated Guide will teach you how to cover up your infidelity with style and verve. More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Be A Good American Tourist In Europe

First of all, always speak English to everybody.

Wherever possible, use humor to communicate approval.

We recently got back from a wonderful week on vacation in Berlin*. While there, we mistakenly partook in the local drunk food specialty–currywurst!–before heading off to a nice restaurant for our last evening in the city. Sure enough, the currywurst did not agree with us and we sat there in a crowd of urbane Germans with horrible visions of throwing up all over them and their fancy restaurant. It then occurred to us: nobody wants to be that American, vomitting all over the locals! Hence, today’s Illustrated Guide is intended to aid our fellow Americans in giving a good impression while visiting those threateningly sophisticated nations known collectively as Europe. More »

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